Managing Relationships

In the current society,strange enough,the world seems to spin only in one direction.This spinning has always been so idealistic by everyone such that it seems that Everything seems to fall in the right place at the correct time at the correct sequence.Strangely,This is not the case when it comes to human.In this idealistic world,the main factor that is changing this ideal is an unknown factor known as humans.Strangely,this unknown factor changes so much of the idealistic world that it is astonishing!How does it astonish?Let us look at it in further details,just like how all problems are trying to be solved....


In the ideal world,let's just take the prehistoric world,the world seems to be revolving in the same way.However,nobody knows how the Earth functions,how the solar system is like,or even the fact that there are countless other stars that may or may not even house living beings,as being researched currently.Yet,65 millions years later(I think it has that long),people know so much about galaxy,the solar system,the number of planets in the world,so much so that we are trying to find out more in the world.Strangely,so many strange things recently,one is never satisfied that they have actually found out so much in the world now.This extent has been pulled to even trying to create life in all sorts of places.Wouldn't it be such a weird thing that people has always been trying create the impossible?True,impossible things can only be done when the possible limits have been exploited,re-used,worn out,and got bored at.However,don't people find that finding the unknown also has it's limitations?Yes,I know that I support chasing the ideal.However,when the unknown are hard to even pinpoint,what is the next thing that has to be done?To improve on what is available to the extent that those things are possible.Just like what happened in the past.When flying became possible,what is the next thing to do?They started to research on how to get to space travel.And the reason for it?They wish to find out more about the unknown.After improving flying to space travel,the two people who first stepped on the moon came about.The way to do all these things seems weird,even out of point in where I am standing.Yet when all impossiblities are starting to dim out,the best way to brighten them up is to improve on the realistic.


Another reason,the feeling in everybody is so different that it is something that is totally changing the place in the world.Why?In the ideal world,everybody has the same kind of feelings,love,hate,anger,happiness,sadness,etc.However,in the reality,how people express and feel all these feelings differ so much that even a whole mountain of books ain't enough to even break the tip of the iceberg.How true,and how weird.When the world thinks that one way of feeling have only one way to tackle,there will always be another thing that will prove that everybody is wrong.Also,the place where the whole world is wrong is,strangely,the best way to counter the problem.Weird isn't it?How many people are seriously able to find out what is truly needed by people,and/or the ideal method to solve a problem?There will never be an ideal way for anything to ever be able to work out.How everybody wish to find the correct thing to do will never be the best way to do anything.Crying is not necessary an action to depict sadness.It can also mean many other different other kinds of feeling,such as being touched,anger,etc.It has always seem so normal to us that sometimes things work in such a way that we forget about the other ways that may be able to fare,not better,but to be able to fare more comfortably with others.How weird it must be,how familiar it is to so many people.Seriously,is this how the world should really go?Should we stay over-idealistic,or over-realistic?This really depends on so many external factors and also so many different solutions to these external factors.How nice it must be for so many things to just happen on it's own and then be able to differentiate them.Let us just hope that my point of view is just something that will change how the thinking really should go,and not being criticised just because it sounds too idealistic yet too realistic at the same time.

Just When I thought I'm Sober,I'm Drunk

This post is a totally personal post.It encompasses the most of my feelings that I've felt in my life for today,the 18-19 Feb 2008 of my life,one of the times when I felt the most down and the worst in my life currently.Wonder how many will actually read this post.I got this down while I'm in the drunk mode,as this is the only time when I feel that I'm actually the most sober and the most undrunk period of my life.This will be one of the posts that will really hurt alot of people.So those who really don't wish to spoil my relationships with them please do not carry on.


I'll start it now.This few days I've been thinking alot.About life,about what I really wish to do,about what exactly is it that I've been missing in life,and what is it that I really wish to change about myself.I will say one thing,I was really down the past few days.The fact that I said that it will affect alot of relationships is that it shows alot of things that many people do not know.I'm only daring to show it now because I'm drunk.I do not know how many people will believe a drunkard's words,but for me to show all these stuff is something that I will never be able to do sober.


Firstly,as I've said,I've been in alot of troubles recently,so I'm actually super down.The best part about me is that I do not even know how to solve it myself.This was one of the reasons why I was so down.One of the reasons is whether I really wish for myself to even know that I'm currently into the right path of my life.Whether it's really the case for myself,whether I have what it takes to even find out about myself.I know that alot of people really wish to find out what is it that I really want,but all I can say is that they have been searching through the wrong paths,cos whatever that they thought was the path is on the wrong path that I was searching, it's something that I've really not even thought about.This was why my down-ness never got up,I was given more problems even before I was able to resolve my own problem.I am really grateful to those who really tried to help me.I know that there was one person who really did that to me.I'm extremely grateful to him for scolding me,although it was not what I really was thinking about.He is one of the person who really cared about how I felt and also helping me to overcome so much of the stuff that I was not even thinking about.For the person,I think I know who you are,if you are reading this post right now,I really have nothing more to say except to say thank you to you.


Secondly,I really wish to thank the three other person who brought me to my 'drunk' state today,they are tat,john and mh.For those who know who they are,good for them.For those who do not know,don't ask me,cos all I say is that they are my best buddies for life,even if they do not treat me as such.Many will say that I'm being silly or whatever.However,what's the difference being silly or being frank?I find that I'm just being frank with myself and also my friends.Yes,I may be hiding some facts and some informations with them,but are they really harmful facts?Yes,some will think so,others may not.I will not persist on them.I just hope that what I've really gone through will be understood by all in future.To be helping a friend doesn't mean that you have to be superb at talking,be extremely eloquent or anything.It just takes abit more effort and also abit more understanding with each other for you to even know what is it that many have really missed out in others.I dare not say that I'm definitely one of those who puts in the most effort to understand one another.I am only learning to know what is it that others want.


Thirdly,one of the biggest thing that I do not know whether it is helping me or not is that I'm in love with a girl.Who the girl is a few of them knows.However,as to when I'm gonna start taking actions only one guy in my life knows about it.If he spread it,then I can only thank him for wasting the trust that I have for him.However,if he do not.I can also thank him for not bringing the truth out of his mouth,and also for making my trust in him right.Whether this is the former or the latter,only the guy himself will know.I also do not wish to pursue any further than it is.I'll just leave it at that point.When I know that the time is right,I will start taking actions.At this point of time when I do not even have a single future link in my life,I will not think about any other stuff.I do not know when is the best time to talk to her about this thing,but I know that now is definitely not the correct time,as I do not have a single shit(pardon me for using vulgarities),on me now.


Lastly,just when I thought that I have a few good friends whom I've just made,a few good friends whom I really thought that they'd really care for as much as I cared for them,I found out that my trust had been misplaced.I had always thought that I have these friends whom I can actually trust,they had actually made me feel so tired in life that I really do not know what is actually friendship anymore.Perhaps this is not the first time,but this will definitely not be the last time that I will say all these.Maybe my trust in friends and their trust in me are really different.I may treat them as gold,but I have this feeling that I'm only treated as shit in their eyes.I will not venture to say how true they are,cos I know that there will always be times when they are right and wrong,I can only say that time will show everything.Maybe I've been too trusting to everyone and everything such that I'm being treated as nothing in people's eyes.What I can only say and feel is that time is the factor that will really show me what I've done is right or wrong.Venturing too much into them will only bring more troubles and problems for myself.Is this really what I want?I really do not know.Maybe it's time for me to change how I am to my friends,maybe it's time I really should start to care more for myself rather than to care about others,may it's time that I should start being selfish to myself and cruel to others.Yet am I able to do all these?Am I able to find the correct key to unlock the biggest door in my life?Do I actually have the strength to open this biggest barrier in my life currently?I will never know unless I try.I just hope that I will find the answer to all my questions today.Hope that this post will really bring more thoughts to myself when I'm actually sober.For now,everything will still be a mystery in the future.All I can do is to listen more to the song 'gei wei lai de zi ji' by fish leong and really attain myself to know and understand what is it that the song implied in the hope of finding more about myself and about my own thoughts in the future.Let me find the courage to even face against the door of my life and let myself indulge in the time when I am really enjoying myself currently.Let me hope that today's post is just another random droning of my own mind and that everything is just something that I had only think it was.Finally,let me find my own trueself amidst this field of unknown and unchartered life territory of my life.Thanks to those who really took the courage to read this post and find out what really went through in me rather than running away from it when I said that this will affect relationships.Really thank you!

Think Think Think!

Recently been stuck at home.And this being stuck at home made me so bored that I went to find some nice shows and movies to watch.Such as another jap drama 'one litre of tears',the movie 'the notebook' and also 'a walk to remember'.These few shows are actually very simple,very normal.Yet,these normal shows features so much of reality that is so close to our lives that it is making me think about myself and my own future.In all these shows,besides the notebook,it features on a certain girl(I'm not sure why they always choose the girl),who have terminal diseases.At this point of time it dawned upon me as to when am I going to start thinking about my own future and when will it really dawned on people as to how they wish to spend their lives?Life is so short in their case.Do we really wish to only start thinking when our lives are almost at the end?Sometimes we have to stop thinking about what we are supposed to do and do it,yet at other times we should start to do AND think about our own future.Life's not about money money money all the time,yet at some points of lives money really do play an important role in our lives.What a headache it is for all of us man.


Also,I'd recommend people to go and watch this youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ALtIwy77RU .It's not really the best of the best dances but so what?Look at his dance steps and also the words that were written in the short clip.It's really very inspiring to the extent of letting people find out what really is nice,and then what it really means to try out everything yourself.The short 1min 38sec show really brought me very far as to the thinking about my own future and stuff.It's really something that is out of the box and yet so much into the heart of so many individuals.Imagine that it's not a dance now,but some other thing,such as going through all sorts of obstacles to find out your own idealogy and also your beliefs.How would the feeling of failing after trying be compared with totally not trying out something at all?


Seriously,I found out that I have one very bad point that I truly need to change now.Whenever it comes to anything mentally stressful,I'd have no fear of trying to overcome it.However,if the mental stress comes together with physical stress,I'd be so meek and powerless that it makes me feel so small in front of myself.I do not know this kind of feeling has been to anyone but what it really told me is that I really need to start to self-reflect on this.The only way for me to get out of this?It's time for me to start overcoming it by doing it.Time to strengthen my own resolve and get myself back on my own feet now.So what's next?Time for me to start my exercises which i've given so much external and useless factors for myself to push them aside.If I don't work hard now,it's useless for me to think about my own future.My short term goal,get myself in shape again to my army time.Long term?Lose my belly!Time to start working!

Just When I Thought I'd Stopped Crying

Been hooked on a japanese drama recently.It's a super old show that was shown like 10 years ago.What really hooked me on this drama is not the fact that it has charming actresses and smart actors.What attracted me to it was the fact that it is so similar to our daily lives in the show,with a bit of dramatic effect here and there,or else it wouldn't be considered as a drama right?Well,the name of the show is called 'kamisama mou sukoshi dake',which in english is also called as 'god,please give me more time'.Alot of people has seen the show,and if I'm not wrong it caused a hit in japan during that period of time.I personally would term it as a unique classic.Why?The fact that it brings about alot of thoughts and feelings at different stages of our lives in the short 12 episode series is enough to tempt to to watch it over and over again.


However,why did i put my title as above?Strangely,it is also due to a very simple fact in my life that brought about it.When I was in JC1,somethings happened to my family,and I swore that that would be the last time I'd really cry.Alright,maybe i did drop a few tears here and there due to some incidents,but nothing can be compared to the feeling I really felt when those tears dropped from mine while watching the show really gives me inspiration in my life.What I saw in there is something that I'd watched all along in many shows.Yet this show struck me hard because of the realistic feeling that I found in this small little drama.The feeling of mine really went out for the characters in the story,not because they are pitiful,but because it is these simple thoughts and feelings that made the whole story feel so truthful.As to how the story goes,for those who already knew it,good for you,watch it again.For those who have not,find it and watch it.It may not bring you a bucket of tears,which many of the people said it would,but it will definitely bring you the daunting effect of how a small little problem can cause the greatest of all fears.


After watching this series,what really made me think was the fact that this show was created 10 years ago.10 years later,shouldn't the power of creation by the scriptwriters be better?Being able to make shows that can move people even more?Strangely,that is not the case.In the past,scriptwriters created such moving dramas.10 years down the road,what are we watching now?Shows created for the sake of being able to put famous actors and actresses in to fit their current image?How does it feel to have the difference of the scripting to be even better now,in the sense that we are actually creating shows for people,and not using people to make the shows more moving?How 'great' I feel for the future of scriptwriting.Oh yes!Something I need to emphasis before I continue on.I'm not discriminating against scriptwriters or anybody related to the fields.I'm just expressing the difference in the fields that were created and the current trend.Hope this does not bring about any unhappiness.Back to the topic.Don't we all find that we are now walking home everyday to watch the kind of shows that are being in the extreme societies?Imagine the shows now.How many of us are really experiencing those effects that are having onto us?Take the above show for comparison,the dramatic part came like a normal day happening and then it just happened.Yet it is so shocking for people to even admit.A story being able to advance to this level.Seriously,if it was able to be created in the past,why are we not able to create them now?Because we are thinking too much of commercialising to be thinking of a real nice story,or are we simply too filled with thoughts to come up with something that can happen to anybody at any time?How I wish that I can find it out.The feeling of the future of television is something that is really making me think of what is the world gonna be like in the future.Give us a clue as to how simple or complicated life really is.....

The Reality Inside The Ideal

Recently,I've had a few friends who faced quite a few problems,regardless of whether they shared it with me anot.Strangely,when I heard or see them having problems,I have this strange feeling inside me that goes along with how they feel.I do not know how or why.Maybe it's how i treat them as friends,or maybe it's just a part of me that I do not even know,even to the extent that this is part of human nature.


However,The main thing is not about my feelings.It's about how people can find others and talk in the normal way even though so much has happened to them in their lives.Some will say that they have already learnt and grown from it,some will say that it is always something in their heart that they can never put down.Strangely,when we look at these,don't everybody find that we have went through BOTH of the feelings?We have grown and learnt from them,yet it is still something that we are keeping in our heart.What a contradiction it is in our lives that we are all experiencing exactly the same things.Yet we do not know that our feelings are the same.We all go through different things,yet at these different points in life we face difficulties,and at these points we learn what we do not know in life.These learning becomes part of our lives,and we grow from them,but not showing it to others in life.Strange right?We always hear people lamenting that their lives are the worst even though we are seeing them fine everyday.Yet when we see those who have terminal illnesses not doing the same thing,and we know that these patients are the real people who need those care and concerns.


Yet another thing.For every minor thing that happened to us,we grow from it.By right we should look different,feel different,give off a different feeling.However,when we look at everyone around us,how many of us are actually very very different in lives?Strangely,when we all say that we have grown,we have actually not grown externally,but we are growing internally,mentally,emotionally,etc.Putting this in my own perspective,shouldn't we be like giving ourselves our fullest in letting other people know that we have changed?Yet,people always look at each other knowing that they have changed yet do not even know where they have changed.Great feeling to know that we have all changed right?Yet,there are still people who not only do they NOT grow and learn from it,they actually ran away from the problem.Then when the time comes for them to really face it,they lament that they are the worst people in their lives and then scold everything in the world except for themselves.Don't this sound very familiar to many people right now,even myself in this case?We always try to push everything to the last minute and then tell everyone that it is not their fault that all those things happened.Why is that so?How i wish i can find out the reason.

Life's Exclaimation Mark!!!

Just now i watched the show in channel U...Forgot the name of the show alr...haha!However,the main point is not the name of the show,it's the moral that i learnt from the show.What happened in the story is that a boy,who hated his father for marrying another women and forced her mother to commit suicide.His hatred went so high that he always create troubles for his stepmother.Funny part was,after he got to know some guy who had the power to make a person grow up,and stole the guy's potion,he grew up.Oh well,this is the standard thing that everybody will say of course to.What i wish to focus on is not exactly him growing up,it was what he faced after he grew up.


The story was set,after he 'grew' up,at the same place where he had all his memories at,his school,his house where he shares with his father and stepmother,the basketball team,which his best friend is being ostracized just because he is plump,unlike those others in his teams,and also the teacher who looked so much like his deceased mother.To cut the long story short,his life is a super fast forwarded journey to the end.He had always thought that his life is the worst,none other is as bad as his.However,he found out that his life is not bad at all,just that it was his over-protected environment that made him felt so.What he found out was that as he grew older,and his mind still that of a child,he faced problems that were too hard for him to face.He found out that what he had been going through is just only the tip of the iceberg of what was truly happening.As to what it is,please watch the full show.For people who know the name of the show,please kindly provide it.My memory is too bad to remember.What i remember is only the content of the show.


As to why i put on this show as a post,it is due to the fact that the similarity of the main character having his thoughts being the same as what we are facing in life.The scary part is that as we grow older,it seems that our wisdom are growing.However,this wisdom is not coupled well with what we know in our lives.What we always know is the fact that we have time to work,we have time to play,we have time for everything in his world.The astonishing fact about all these is that we are all thinking into the ideal lifestyle of our journey to the end of our lives.Have we consider that what we are truly enjoying now in our lives is not what we truly wanted,or rather,when we want to enjoy,life is already too late for all those things to happen?We had always wanted to do all sorts of big things,all sorts of kindness,all sorts of anything that we can think of but could not do it.Yet have we ever asked ourselves whether we have tried to carry on with the dreams that we have done?Bringing it back to the show,yes,the guy did have his dream fulfilled.He had wanted to grow up,and his consideration of all other things went to naught as he childishly and foolishly went to step closer to his dream.Yes,he did regret growing up,because after he grew up,he knew that his life journey is going to go to the end,and there's no reversing.Also,as i said,his life journey is a super accelerated journey,so which means he only had limited time.He even asked the girl,who is also his teacher,and looked like his deceased mother,about it.It was due to the girl,who was asked for a date when the guy was still quite youthful,for a movie.Yet,when he reached the location,even the girl could not recognise him anymore.It was so painful yet meaningful to me at that time.Why?Because the feeling seems so alike to mine when it all happened to me.To those who knew why,good.As to those who do not,please try not to remind me of it,it's still very painful.Well,back to the topic.He found out in his 'old age' that life is filled with so much mystery during his childhood and is all found out in his 'adulthood'.He had too many things to do in too little a time.


It makes me feel so weird that life has so many unknown areas in our lives that it scares me.We are just like the children in the lives of life itself and what we know is what we feel as the most and that is enough.However,don't anyone find that life in itself is such a deep mystery that we should just explore all kinds of fields and also to know what is it that we really wish for and want.Wouldn't life be much more interesting to know of all these rather than to stick our lives in the one way which we all THINK is the correct way?Wouldn't life be so much better and filled with less regret if we all know what is it that we truly want in life?Also,would our lives be any much worse if we knew we tried in anything and failed in them,not to mention what if we succeed?Let ourselves immerse in the pool of mystery like a baby gladly embarking on the unknown rather than to be the adult who shuns everything away from ourselves,and not giving ourselves a chance to even know what life have in store for us....

I Am SHOCKED today!

I went to the market with my mum today to Boon Keng...Guess what I saw?A whole bunch of working adults going to work from punggol...How nice..However,what shocked me is not the rush hour,it's the face of all the people who are going to work.Their face are so glum,so gloomy,that it makes me shudder at the thought of the people whom I saw.It's not that I'm being sarcastic or whatever,it's just the thought of me stepping into the same path as those people that make me feel that it's really a waste to let the happiness and sheer joy of the past go down the drain.Imagine that a person,who is still young,to love going to school,whether to meet friends or to study,to the extent of everybody looking so glum and gloomy when they are going to work.Ain't they the same thing?Alright,maybe they are not the same.What's the difference?A school children spends money to go to a school,while a working adult go to work to earn money.Since we are now in a society who need money to work,won't the people who are earning money be much happier than those who are not earning money?Isn't it strange that the opposite is always true?It's really ironic in this sense that those who are bringing the bread home are those who are always the un-happiest while those who are depending on the bread to be so happy and carefree day after day,not caring about what happens in the future.



After the long strings of words,wouldn't you find it strange that life is always going the wrong way from what we all have in our 'ideal' mind?When we all started,our lives are so filled with all kinds of wondrous imaginations and thoughts which are all very real,yet when we grow older these thoughts are heaped with so much other factors and problems that we have to source for alternatives?Usually these alternatives are those which we really don't like,but forced to do it because it's the only thing that is bringing in the most bread.Wouldn't you find it strange that all these factors should have been gone if anyone persevered in the direction of their childhood dreams?Plus,those dreams that we had are labeled with so much hardships and problems that we tend to not even try even before we started out in whichever area that we had wanted.Seriously,what is it in our dreams and desires that is truly blocking us from what we really wish to have?Sometimes I find that it's the government,who keep us on a dead path towards the mainstream.Sometimes I find that it's the world we are in that is truly making us what we are today.However,after some thinking through towards the impossible area,I found out that it's actually US who made the possible impossible!Why is that so?Many would be scolding me for saying this out.However,isn't it ourselves that made the thinking of our dreams and goals come to naught?Isn't it us that gave ourselves more problems to handle rather than going towards the dream that we truly wanted wholeheartedly?Sometimes the simplest thing is the hardest thing for everyone to even wish for anything to happen.Somehow I start to fear,what is the world going to be like in the future,when i step out truly into the working world.When the world is really at it's wits end into being new and creative.What are we trying to do with our lives man?I really wish to find out...Can somebody give me an answer?Sigh~!