最近,在一個不知不覺的情況下,認識了一個人.不自不覺的就斷了這個友情.可是,人常說,終點不是一切,過程才是最刻苦民心的.但是,我卻覺得,若要有這一種過程,我情願不要.為什麼?我也不知道.可能是我太過脆弱了,也可能是因為在這段友情里,發現一些不該出現的其他感覺.而這讓我很煩惱,不知道要用什麼方式來應對.過程就不多說了.因為多說無益,只會讓我把放掉的心情再一次的狠狠的拉回來.
為什麼我會把這感覺寫出來呢?我也不知道.我只是希望在寫出來的當而,能夠讓我自己知道我應該做什麼.有時候,我真的很想問一問我自己,是我過度的好,還是我想把我自己方再一個我自己也沒有想過的人物里.當認識一個人的時候,那種感覺大家都知道.可是,為什麼,當別人放手的時候,也是你放手的時候,那種感覺就有如一把鋒利的刀,刺傷了沒關係,還要放一個隱約的刀傷在心里.這個刀傷,我知道是沒有藥可醫的.但是,我卻希望能夠擺脫這一個不知是僵夢還是美好的回忆,這一個狠狠的傷口.真的讓我回想了很多發生過地事情,也不知是好是壞.只知道我不想再一次經磿這一個事情.因為她,我把我自己封閉起來,不然其他人踏進我心里.我已經害怕了,我也已經疲倦了.不敢再試放任自己的心情了,因為我不想再有一個傷痕在我心里,不想再一次的不知所措,不能自拔的情況了.當我是個懦夫,是個旦小鬼也好,這一種心痛的事情我是無法一次次地承受的.
話又說回來,人不經利挫折,不經利傷痛,是無法成長的.但是,我卻沒有勇氣去面對這一次次的傷痛.有時候真的很想放棄一切,不讓自己有多一次的傷痛,多一次的挫折,讓我不知什麼才是真真的生活,什麼才是真真的成长.可是,說多也是沒用,我也知道,沒有經利挫折是不會發現自己到底是一個怎樣的人.好想快點發現我自己,好讓我不需要在受這麼多的折磨,也不需要在一次的受到傷害.好希望我不必再發生這一些事情了,這樣我就滿足了.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Hypocrisy Vs Truth?
Wow!Been through quite a bit recently during my journey in life man.What's strangest,even though is seems like it's going to be the lowest period of my life,I still felt that something more is going to come my way soon.Oh well,no choice,guess that's the only life's gonna be like,going down slopes.How am I gonna start to say this?Well,let's just say,life came upon me with 3 main types of people.The hypocritic,the true friends,and strangely,the stickers.
Let's start with the hypocrite.Sometimes,I wonder whether is it just me being too kind or someone just love to play pranks on me.Ran into so much trouble with him trying to change everything and adding stuff that did not happen into what I said,when it was the opposite.Oh my god!Didn't know these kind of people exists man.Whatever good things said,HE said it.Whatever bad things happened,wow!I'm actually the person who did them.When time and time again it showed that it was the other who actually said them,and did, in this context.Well,what can I say?I'm in the wrong here,I borrowed money from him,unable to repay on time,what can I say?Seriously,one who always says treat you as friends,preaches to you that friends is important,calling himself a peacemaker,saying what money spoils relationships,forces you to the extent that you have hardly any place left to breathe.So,that's called whatever you have done to be correct,and whatever I said that I'm seriously trying my best to pay as wrong?How nice.How simple to push ALL blames on me,and ALL the rights onto yourself.Just because I borrowed money from you,it doesn't actually mean that I owe you my character,my pride,my everything.Yet,time and time again you insulted me,insulted my character,insulted my pride,insulted my principle of life.This is what you'd call a friend?This is how you wish for a friendship to be built upon?A friend who almost pushed another to the verge of dying due to stress,and you call that a friend?Seriously,I really wish to ask you,what exactly is your principle of life?Friends who lets you push them around?Wow!How nice.How about I do this exact same thing to you and ask you how you feel?This is simply unbelievable man.Oh nevermind,since this is your way of life,let's just see when you'd run into your own trouble then.We shall see.
The next kind of friend,which I'm seriously grateful to,are those that really treated me as true friends.One whom I'm really grateful to.The only one thing that did not force me to jump over the wall was that I only had 1 hypocrite,many true friends who really cared for me.Sacrificing myself because of this 1 guy when there's so many friends who would be sad for me,it's seriously not worth it.Well,friends who'd lend you money,saying that they'd only need it AFTER i clear my debts,friends who'd scold me because I'm not doing my best,but trying to run away from the problem that I'm supposed to face,and the harsh reality.I can't say that I'm a very macho person who'd bear with all these with a thanks alot.They really forced me on the verge of tears due to the fact that,in my darkest times,they're still willing to stand by my side.I can't say that there are people who did not had it worse,but,for me,these kinds of things seriously forced me to the point where I cannot take it anymore.I really can't say too much on them.What I'd experienced with them is,what can I say?You have to experience it yourself to know what happens.All I can really say is,countless thanks to them when my resolve almost broke,when my heart almost died,when my brain stopped to think.They gave me the hope to lift myself up again,gave me the soul to hold myself,and gave me too much that they'd even imagined.I can't say it again.I'd just say,I just hope to be there for them when they need my help,which I don't hope that they'd experience again.
Lastly,the last kind of people that I've met.What I'd call as stickers.People who sticks themselves on you when they have trouble.After solving their problem,ignore you like you are some kind of pest,and sticks themselves onto another.Then,when that person stuck on is gone,trying to find you again to stick onto you.What kind of a person is this?Seriously I do not know what is it that they exactly want.I'd only say one thing.My soul is too tattered and torn to experience yet another kind of feelings like this.So,when somebody is trying to become a sticker and stick themselves onto me,I'd just flatly refuse them,push them aside,and tell them straight in the face.I seriously don't wish to experience another kind of feeling of being at a loss,being unable to do anything because the habit is there already.The feeling of being lost in a black hole where nothing exists,and whatever you eat,whatever delicacies become like dust,it seriously freaks me out to think that it may happen again.The loss,I'd rather lose a chance to find another true friend then to experience it again.This kind of feeling happened to me ONE too many a time.
Seriously wonder how do people think.How can there be people who do things that don't even consider about other people,thinking about themselves only,even though they claim to be the kind that are steadfast in their thoughts,being true to their friends.Yet whatever happens they just say that it's not their fault,it's just the fault of others.Yes,pushing responsibilities brings you nothing,but what do you get in the end?The feeling of not being in trouble?Or the agony that you have betrayed your friend and that you have lost a friend due to this.Some even try to remedy it by saying that they are treating you as friends,yet pursuing you like you are some criminal.Well,let's just hope and see what kind of results they'd get in the end,since it's THEIR thoughts,and not mine.Good luck to them man.
Let's start with the hypocrite.Sometimes,I wonder whether is it just me being too kind or someone just love to play pranks on me.Ran into so much trouble with him trying to change everything and adding stuff that did not happen into what I said,when it was the opposite.Oh my god!Didn't know these kind of people exists man.Whatever good things said,HE said it.Whatever bad things happened,wow!I'm actually the person who did them.When time and time again it showed that it was the other who actually said them,and did, in this context.Well,what can I say?I'm in the wrong here,I borrowed money from him,unable to repay on time,what can I say?Seriously,one who always says treat you as friends,preaches to you that friends is important,calling himself a peacemaker,saying what money spoils relationships,forces you to the extent that you have hardly any place left to breathe.So,that's called whatever you have done to be correct,and whatever I said that I'm seriously trying my best to pay as wrong?How nice.How simple to push ALL blames on me,and ALL the rights onto yourself.Just because I borrowed money from you,it doesn't actually mean that I owe you my character,my pride,my everything.Yet,time and time again you insulted me,insulted my character,insulted my pride,insulted my principle of life.This is what you'd call a friend?This is how you wish for a friendship to be built upon?A friend who almost pushed another to the verge of dying due to stress,and you call that a friend?Seriously,I really wish to ask you,what exactly is your principle of life?Friends who lets you push them around?Wow!How nice.How about I do this exact same thing to you and ask you how you feel?This is simply unbelievable man.Oh nevermind,since this is your way of life,let's just see when you'd run into your own trouble then.We shall see.
The next kind of friend,which I'm seriously grateful to,are those that really treated me as true friends.One whom I'm really grateful to.The only one thing that did not force me to jump over the wall was that I only had 1 hypocrite,many true friends who really cared for me.Sacrificing myself because of this 1 guy when there's so many friends who would be sad for me,it's seriously not worth it.Well,friends who'd lend you money,saying that they'd only need it AFTER i clear my debts,friends who'd scold me because I'm not doing my best,but trying to run away from the problem that I'm supposed to face,and the harsh reality.I can't say that I'm a very macho person who'd bear with all these with a thanks alot.They really forced me on the verge of tears due to the fact that,in my darkest times,they're still willing to stand by my side.I can't say that there are people who did not had it worse,but,for me,these kinds of things seriously forced me to the point where I cannot take it anymore.I really can't say too much on them.What I'd experienced with them is,what can I say?You have to experience it yourself to know what happens.All I can really say is,countless thanks to them when my resolve almost broke,when my heart almost died,when my brain stopped to think.They gave me the hope to lift myself up again,gave me the soul to hold myself,and gave me too much that they'd even imagined.I can't say it again.I'd just say,I just hope to be there for them when they need my help,which I don't hope that they'd experience again.
Lastly,the last kind of people that I've met.What I'd call as stickers.People who sticks themselves on you when they have trouble.After solving their problem,ignore you like you are some kind of pest,and sticks themselves onto another.Then,when that person stuck on is gone,trying to find you again to stick onto you.What kind of a person is this?Seriously I do not know what is it that they exactly want.I'd only say one thing.My soul is too tattered and torn to experience yet another kind of feelings like this.So,when somebody is trying to become a sticker and stick themselves onto me,I'd just flatly refuse them,push them aside,and tell them straight in the face.I seriously don't wish to experience another kind of feeling of being at a loss,being unable to do anything because the habit is there already.The feeling of being lost in a black hole where nothing exists,and whatever you eat,whatever delicacies become like dust,it seriously freaks me out to think that it may happen again.The loss,I'd rather lose a chance to find another true friend then to experience it again.This kind of feeling happened to me ONE too many a time.
Seriously wonder how do people think.How can there be people who do things that don't even consider about other people,thinking about themselves only,even though they claim to be the kind that are steadfast in their thoughts,being true to their friends.Yet whatever happens they just say that it's not their fault,it's just the fault of others.Yes,pushing responsibilities brings you nothing,but what do you get in the end?The feeling of not being in trouble?Or the agony that you have betrayed your friend and that you have lost a friend due to this.Some even try to remedy it by saying that they are treating you as friends,yet pursuing you like you are some criminal.Well,let's just hope and see what kind of results they'd get in the end,since it's THEIR thoughts,and not mine.Good luck to them man.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Life's Hopes and Memories
Learnt a very inspiring message today.Something that I learnt while watching midnight show,and talking to someone about maple,and crap,and another about cabal.Which is something quite absurd and ridiculous.It's only one sentence,yet the meaning brought out is so touching and so true that it touched my heart straightaway.The inspiring phrase for me was 'we live today for the sake of creating memories in the future.'This phrase is,although very short,with a bit of melancholy inside.Yet,when I started to ponder abit,it all makes sense.
Firstly,when one get started as a baby,we know nothing,absolutely nothing.We don't even know the basic,only our instincts gave us our survival needs.Also,we started to learn the basics,learning to walk,learning to think,and learning to differentiate right from wrong.From here,the path of everyone starts to differ,which brought about changes to people.All of these starts from when we are children,which is our past.Then,isn't it our past,our memories,that brought about changes in our lives?Isn't the future a link to the past?We use what we learnt in the past to correct ourselves in the future,we bring our memories as lessons learnt to what we are going to do.Now,is that a truth?Somehow I wonder whether it's exactly true or not.Yet,the more I ponder,the more vivid that memory came to me.I learnt many in the past.I got hurt,cried,angry,disappointed,happy,excited,glad,all sorts of feelings.Also,I learnt about what happened happens for a reason.I don't know how and why,but somehow,the people seems to give us a reason to live,and also a reason to continue to want to live,even though sometimes the feelings asks us to really wish to find death as a solace to our scarred hearts,and our dried tears.
Let's just ask ourselves,how long have all of us lived in vain throughout our lives?Seriously,I find that NONE have lived their lives in vain.Even for those who knew that lives have only one thing in life,they learnt it right at the last moments in lives.For those whom people always say that they have not learnt anything,are we sure that while they are out doing all sorts of stuff that people do not condone,they have not learnt?Can we say,those that live their lives under a golden spoon,they do not know what is poverty?Many things have their pros and cons.Yes that we know.However,are ALL the pros pros and all the cons cons?Decide for ourselves.So long as the journey one take will let people know what is it in themselves that they want to know,they are on the right paths.This is due to the difference in lives,and memories,that they have had.Many may say that I look carefree and not-caring,while others look at me as someone very pessimistic and melancholic.I will say only one thing,both of them are right.It's my memories that brought me where I am and where I will go.What's yours?Where would it lead you to?Happy?Sad?Don't tell me please.I do not wish or need to know.Put the question to yourself and ask your own heart.Since you know that heart is the hardest to lie to,and also the easiest to lie to.For those whom they think I'm saying them,YES!I'm talking about you.ALL of you.Those who think that they are in the middle of nowhere,and those who think that they are everywhere.Look to yourself and ask yourself.Are you being true now?True to yourself?If it's not,what's the reason?And,lastly,WHY?
Firstly,when one get started as a baby,we know nothing,absolutely nothing.We don't even know the basic,only our instincts gave us our survival needs.Also,we started to learn the basics,learning to walk,learning to think,and learning to differentiate right from wrong.From here,the path of everyone starts to differ,which brought about changes to people.All of these starts from when we are children,which is our past.Then,isn't it our past,our memories,that brought about changes in our lives?Isn't the future a link to the past?We use what we learnt in the past to correct ourselves in the future,we bring our memories as lessons learnt to what we are going to do.Now,is that a truth?Somehow I wonder whether it's exactly true or not.Yet,the more I ponder,the more vivid that memory came to me.I learnt many in the past.I got hurt,cried,angry,disappointed,happy,excited,glad,all sorts of feelings.Also,I learnt about what happened happens for a reason.I don't know how and why,but somehow,the people seems to give us a reason to live,and also a reason to continue to want to live,even though sometimes the feelings asks us to really wish to find death as a solace to our scarred hearts,and our dried tears.
Let's just ask ourselves,how long have all of us lived in vain throughout our lives?Seriously,I find that NONE have lived their lives in vain.Even for those who knew that lives have only one thing in life,they learnt it right at the last moments in lives.For those whom people always say that they have not learnt anything,are we sure that while they are out doing all sorts of stuff that people do not condone,they have not learnt?Can we say,those that live their lives under a golden spoon,they do not know what is poverty?Many things have their pros and cons.Yes that we know.However,are ALL the pros pros and all the cons cons?Decide for ourselves.So long as the journey one take will let people know what is it in themselves that they want to know,they are on the right paths.This is due to the difference in lives,and memories,that they have had.Many may say that I look carefree and not-caring,while others look at me as someone very pessimistic and melancholic.I will say only one thing,both of them are right.It's my memories that brought me where I am and where I will go.What's yours?Where would it lead you to?Happy?Sad?Don't tell me please.I do not wish or need to know.Put the question to yourself and ask your own heart.Since you know that heart is the hardest to lie to,and also the easiest to lie to.For those whom they think I'm saying them,YES!I'm talking about you.ALL of you.Those who think that they are in the middle of nowhere,and those who think that they are everywhere.Look to yourself and ask yourself.Are you being true now?True to yourself?If it's not,what's the reason?And,lastly,WHY?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Utter Disappointment
Been feeling down almost the whole night,from around 9pm,which I received a mail which I thought was full of hope,to one which brought me my sadness right after I opened it.Started wondering after I received the letter that what is this world coming to?Somehow,when I'm not involved in it,I don't really feel it.However,when I'm at the brunt of the situation,I started to ponder upon this thought of being in Singapore.
Somehow,I had always thought that studying is easy,until I know some friends who do not have high education,and also friends who keep telling me that study is very useful,in the end being seen as some good-for-nothing,even those whom I started tutoring.These seem to lose almost everyone about what this is about.However,I just feel that living in Singapore has it's pros and cons.
Let's talk about how good Singapore is first shall we?Well,compared to many other countries,we are a peaceful country,with no natural disaster to trouble us,except for overpopulation if we are to put it strictly.We are blessed with a country where food is not something that can only be prayed for,unlike some countries who cannot even afford to provide food for themselves.Now,being able to fill your own stomach is already a good thing for many of us already right?Yet at the same time,not many are happy with the current lifestyle.Is this due to humans being selfish and wanting more,or is it forced out of our daily lifestyle to become what we really want,and not needed?How nice is this man.
Well,let us just talk about the bad thing,which is also why I felt utter disappointment in the place.Let me just focus on one thing that I find is really very true for alot of our lives.In our lives,after we are born,we are forced to pursue the one thing that will determine what we do and where we go in the future,education.Yet,in this seemingly hopeful area of education I see the ugly side of life.Many people will just feel that in this kind of pursuit,it will let them have their 'dream income',and some will just feel the harsh reality being thrown down onto them.What do I mean?It simply just means that,even though everything seems to be perfect,working flawlessly,for people to climb up to the next education level,there will always be people who will get slashed out in every place.Let's just put what I learnt in education system.Take,for example,'O' level and 'A' level.It always says that study hard will bring about results.Yet,at the end of the road,there will always be people who will pass,and dance with joy,and others,weep at a corner thinking what to do next.Well,I can say that I am quite lucky,to be able to survive these sweeping actions done from the top to the bottom.However,what is there to be done?There must always be the top,middle,and low end class of the people to do all kinds of jobs.Who are we to say who is right and who is wrong?Stopping at whichever level is right,or wrong?Well,nobody can.This is what I feel.Before I was in this kind of situation,that was my thinking.However,what happens now?I'm so stuck in my own area,trying to find a solution,hoping for some minor miracle to come out,yet this had to happen.Somehow,I regretted choosing this path in my education journey.Well,it's too late for regrets are we not?What's left for me to do now?To step out into my next phase of life,or do I become the stick in the mud and keep trying and praying for miracles to happen.Well,I guess the answer is obvious now.I just feel that,why is this system so unfair.Only those who are better in studies are the supposed 'good in work'?Is this really such a fair system?Do we really need such a big level to get to the next kind of journey?What is this man.Well,it seems that I'm just complaining myself out to myself about what have I done the past 22 years of my life.Seems like life's getting so boring,and dead,in where I'm actually at.Well,hope that some kind of unknown path is set out for me,cos I really can't seem to feel where I'm supposed to go now,or is it because that I'm too stuck onto Singapore's way of educating the young?Am I supposed to change myself now,and let myself become part of another kind of community that I myself don't even know?I really wonder.
Somehow,I had always thought that studying is easy,until I know some friends who do not have high education,and also friends who keep telling me that study is very useful,in the end being seen as some good-for-nothing,even those whom I started tutoring.These seem to lose almost everyone about what this is about.However,I just feel that living in Singapore has it's pros and cons.
Let's talk about how good Singapore is first shall we?Well,compared to many other countries,we are a peaceful country,with no natural disaster to trouble us,except for overpopulation if we are to put it strictly.We are blessed with a country where food is not something that can only be prayed for,unlike some countries who cannot even afford to provide food for themselves.Now,being able to fill your own stomach is already a good thing for many of us already right?Yet at the same time,not many are happy with the current lifestyle.Is this due to humans being selfish and wanting more,or is it forced out of our daily lifestyle to become what we really want,and not needed?How nice is this man.
Well,let us just talk about the bad thing,which is also why I felt utter disappointment in the place.Let me just focus on one thing that I find is really very true for alot of our lives.In our lives,after we are born,we are forced to pursue the one thing that will determine what we do and where we go in the future,education.Yet,in this seemingly hopeful area of education I see the ugly side of life.Many people will just feel that in this kind of pursuit,it will let them have their 'dream income',and some will just feel the harsh reality being thrown down onto them.What do I mean?It simply just means that,even though everything seems to be perfect,working flawlessly,for people to climb up to the next education level,there will always be people who will get slashed out in every place.Let's just put what I learnt in education system.Take,for example,'O' level and 'A' level.It always says that study hard will bring about results.Yet,at the end of the road,there will always be people who will pass,and dance with joy,and others,weep at a corner thinking what to do next.Well,I can say that I am quite lucky,to be able to survive these sweeping actions done from the top to the bottom.However,what is there to be done?There must always be the top,middle,and low end class of the people to do all kinds of jobs.Who are we to say who is right and who is wrong?Stopping at whichever level is right,or wrong?Well,nobody can.This is what I feel.Before I was in this kind of situation,that was my thinking.However,what happens now?I'm so stuck in my own area,trying to find a solution,hoping for some minor miracle to come out,yet this had to happen.Somehow,I regretted choosing this path in my education journey.Well,it's too late for regrets are we not?What's left for me to do now?To step out into my next phase of life,or do I become the stick in the mud and keep trying and praying for miracles to happen.Well,I guess the answer is obvious now.I just feel that,why is this system so unfair.Only those who are better in studies are the supposed 'good in work'?Is this really such a fair system?Do we really need such a big level to get to the next kind of journey?What is this man.Well,it seems that I'm just complaining myself out to myself about what have I done the past 22 years of my life.Seems like life's getting so boring,and dead,in where I'm actually at.Well,hope that some kind of unknown path is set out for me,cos I really can't seem to feel where I'm supposed to go now,or is it because that I'm too stuck onto Singapore's way of educating the young?Am I supposed to change myself now,and let myself become part of another kind of community that I myself don't even know?I really wonder.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Cold and Empty
Been having a few strange feelings recently.Got into a few weird situations which I had not expected in my life.Best out of all these,nobody seemed to even noticed that there was a change.Shows that I'm quite good in hiding my own feelings?Wonder if it's a good thing or not.
One main feeling I felt,and that feeling has always been happening to me,not on and off,but time and time again.It happens so much that it makes me wonder if it's just me or I'm having a super tough luck in terms of dealing with others.The feeling brings on such a big thought for me that I somehow think that I should really go back to my old self,so that this kind of incident don't happen to me again.Somehow,I do feel like a substitute to many of the people.How does this kind of substitute come about?It usually comes about just when somebody have any kinds of problems.I'm the supposed person they always stick themselves on.However,when the problems cools down or is gone,I'm seemed as the transparent person,or just another person who is DISTURBING them.How selfish can people get eh?Nevertheless,things still have to move on.Yet why can't those who done all these to me KNOW and REMEMBER what they did,and come back to find me to 'console' them time and time again for all sorts of feelings.I know,I'm not a super interesting guy which 99.999999% of the people around loves to be around with.I'm just the old,uninteresting,ugly,yet another person who they can grab from the streets.Since they already know that,why am I the person in this kind of situation,ALWAYS...
The next kind of feeling,well,I won't call this as feeling,I'd rather call this as a thought,that I'm always the bridge between 2 or more people.I'm always asked to go out as a group.Then,after going out,I'm always the one who is left out,ignored,and even to the extent of being scorned at whenever I'm out.This kind of a feeling feels so piercing to my own heart and character that it really makes me feel like drawing myself back into my own world,not caring about any of the people around anymore.Is it because that in a group,there always have to have someone who is the common target of everyone,the one who is always being treated as transparent,that I'm ALWAYS the one who is treated as such?Seriously,what kind of a person deserves this kind of treatment,regardless whether it's for punishment or just a normal reaction by other people.I just wish to be a normal person who is treated normally for anything that happens.Why do so much things,oh well,it's just ONE main thing,happen to me?Sometimes,I wish that life is as simple as reading a book,or watching a show,where you can predict what's going to happen in the next chapter or later on in the story.Humans are so 'unpredictable' that sometimes people just do not know where to go for which kind of situation.
Let's put a conclusion for today,since time passes with no linkage towards whichever road in life.Or simply,MY LIFE.I feel that time is starting to lose it's meaning to me anymore.I can't even really feel who is my true friend,and who are those who are only looking upon me as a substitute.Maybe it's time for me to seriously ponder upon this issue and sink myself into this despair to truly understand what kind of a person I really am.Or should I find my ownself in my own life to find out what is it about me that makes people treat me as such.Time is giving so much issue to so many people.Yet why that when it comes to me,I find that time is only going to give me more coldness and emptiness inside of me to even care about anything or anyone anymore?Guess it's time that I need to start focusing on myself instead of anyone else anymore,time for me to be selfish to others.Yet,why does it feel so hard.I think it's time for me to harden myself,harden my soul,empty my feelings,to really be selfish.Hope that I'm capable of doing all these stuff now.For now I am starting to feel more and more people are going to treat me as substitute already.I can't even feel a tinge of hope in me that being like myself is going to help myself in any way.Give me a spark of hope,so that I have enough light to brave myself through my own storm in the life of my own.Let my old self die off,and give my new self a new lease of life.For those who are already treating me as a substitute or a bridge,give me a chance to change myself,don't let me sink back into myself,give me a path out to salvage myself.I will thank you all for all these kind actions.
One main feeling I felt,and that feeling has always been happening to me,not on and off,but time and time again.It happens so much that it makes me wonder if it's just me or I'm having a super tough luck in terms of dealing with others.The feeling brings on such a big thought for me that I somehow think that I should really go back to my old self,so that this kind of incident don't happen to me again.Somehow,I do feel like a substitute to many of the people.How does this kind of substitute come about?It usually comes about just when somebody have any kinds of problems.I'm the supposed person they always stick themselves on.However,when the problems cools down or is gone,I'm seemed as the transparent person,or just another person who is DISTURBING them.How selfish can people get eh?Nevertheless,things still have to move on.Yet why can't those who done all these to me KNOW and REMEMBER what they did,and come back to find me to 'console' them time and time again for all sorts of feelings.I know,I'm not a super interesting guy which 99.999999% of the people around loves to be around with.I'm just the old,uninteresting,ugly,yet another person who they can grab from the streets.Since they already know that,why am I the person in this kind of situation,ALWAYS...
The next kind of feeling,well,I won't call this as feeling,I'd rather call this as a thought,that I'm always the bridge between 2 or more people.I'm always asked to go out as a group.Then,after going out,I'm always the one who is left out,ignored,and even to the extent of being scorned at whenever I'm out.This kind of a feeling feels so piercing to my own heart and character that it really makes me feel like drawing myself back into my own world,not caring about any of the people around anymore.Is it because that in a group,there always have to have someone who is the common target of everyone,the one who is always being treated as transparent,that I'm ALWAYS the one who is treated as such?Seriously,what kind of a person deserves this kind of treatment,regardless whether it's for punishment or just a normal reaction by other people.I just wish to be a normal person who is treated normally for anything that happens.Why do so much things,oh well,it's just ONE main thing,happen to me?Sometimes,I wish that life is as simple as reading a book,or watching a show,where you can predict what's going to happen in the next chapter or later on in the story.Humans are so 'unpredictable' that sometimes people just do not know where to go for which kind of situation.
Let's put a conclusion for today,since time passes with no linkage towards whichever road in life.Or simply,MY LIFE.I feel that time is starting to lose it's meaning to me anymore.I can't even really feel who is my true friend,and who are those who are only looking upon me as a substitute.Maybe it's time for me to seriously ponder upon this issue and sink myself into this despair to truly understand what kind of a person I really am.Or should I find my ownself in my own life to find out what is it about me that makes people treat me as such.Time is giving so much issue to so many people.Yet why that when it comes to me,I find that time is only going to give me more coldness and emptiness inside of me to even care about anything or anyone anymore?Guess it's time that I need to start focusing on myself instead of anyone else anymore,time for me to be selfish to others.Yet,why does it feel so hard.I think it's time for me to harden myself,harden my soul,empty my feelings,to really be selfish.Hope that I'm capable of doing all these stuff now.For now I am starting to feel more and more people are going to treat me as substitute already.I can't even feel a tinge of hope in me that being like myself is going to help myself in any way.Give me a spark of hope,so that I have enough light to brave myself through my own storm in the life of my own.Let my old self die off,and give my new self a new lease of life.For those who are already treating me as a substitute or a bridge,give me a chance to change myself,don't let me sink back into myself,give me a path out to salvage myself.I will thank you all for all these kind actions.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Truth of the world?
Been on a movie marathon with a few of my friends recently.Watched shows mainly on war that had happened.What astonished me in the movies is that the situation is so real that it makes me think about how people in the world is like.What I had saw was the art of western movie-making technology,and also how realistic and simple that the scriptwriters and directors there were.
Let's first talk about the movie itself.It was based on the time during the vietnam war with America.The starting plot is always the same,all the minor stuff,and the gathering of the army soldiers settling down with their family in the designated area for them,which are really quite big in this sense.Then,the horror happened.The war came,which required the 'officers' of the army to be deployed to destroy and cripple the vietnamese.It is so sudden and simple that it feels so real in my thoughts.Next thing that happens,that war came.Well,of cos the Americans won,or else Vietnam will be in power now.What makes all these so realistic is the strategies,the way the people act,and also the description of the horror and gore in the show.You can say that I'm one who likes gore.However,I do find that this kind of things SHOULD be the things that should be shown in Singapore army,not those proud and glory things that army has shown us.That made me feel that the show is nice.
The next thing I found in this movie,titled 'We Were Soldiers',and also another Thai movie called '13 Game of Death',is the fact of how humans in the world treats each other.The horror when being alone out in the battlefield,where enemies lie all around you,one wrong move can determines whether you live or die.Combined with selfish bastards who will not move to help the few trapped people in the platoon.The basis of all these selfishness is so simple yet truthful in the world out there,even when it's a war which we will never fight,comes so simply and drastically that it shocked me to the bones,even though I do watch some of the war-related movies.This is by far the worse that I've seen so far.The description is so vivid that I personally feel that some people who watch the show may even be shocked.These kinds of movies are by far one of the best kind of movies I've ever touched on.
For the Thai movie,it was about a person involved in a game which gives him tremendous amount of cash when he completes each tasks.The reason why this guy chose this task was,the fact that he needed the cash urgently.However,the tasks that takes him on this journey which brought about harm to single personnels at first.However,there was one task which still gives me the creeps just to think about how good the person who made this movie strategise how each of the moves that the person will take and the fact that the feeling that each will feel according to each tasks that he had done.This made me think about how low a person will stoop just to get the one thing that matters the most and the least in this world,money.
Well,for all that had happened in all the movies,it's really hard for me to express it out in words,as the true feelings can only be found through each and our very own eyes.What is the thing that gives people so much selfishness,so much honor and respect,so much terror and horror,remains a biggest mystery to the greatest 'thinkers' in the world,when the easiest thing IS the hardest to comprehen in this world to the people all around.As to how a person can really feel or sense,it's just up to our ownselves to know and understand.Well,time for me to stop now.Let us just hope that whatever it is that is blocking all the 'geniuses' in the world to create shows with the X-factor and the simplicity,will be unblocked soon,so that we will have better shows in time to come.
Let's first talk about the movie itself.It was based on the time during the vietnam war with America.The starting plot is always the same,all the minor stuff,and the gathering of the army soldiers settling down with their family in the designated area for them,which are really quite big in this sense.Then,the horror happened.The war came,which required the 'officers' of the army to be deployed to destroy and cripple the vietnamese.It is so sudden and simple that it feels so real in my thoughts.Next thing that happens,that war came.Well,of cos the Americans won,or else Vietnam will be in power now.What makes all these so realistic is the strategies,the way the people act,and also the description of the horror and gore in the show.You can say that I'm one who likes gore.However,I do find that this kind of things SHOULD be the things that should be shown in Singapore army,not those proud and glory things that army has shown us.That made me feel that the show is nice.
The next thing I found in this movie,titled 'We Were Soldiers',and also another Thai movie called '13 Game of Death',is the fact of how humans in the world treats each other.The horror when being alone out in the battlefield,where enemies lie all around you,one wrong move can determines whether you live or die.Combined with selfish bastards who will not move to help the few trapped people in the platoon.The basis of all these selfishness is so simple yet truthful in the world out there,even when it's a war which we will never fight,comes so simply and drastically that it shocked me to the bones,even though I do watch some of the war-related movies.This is by far the worse that I've seen so far.The description is so vivid that I personally feel that some people who watch the show may even be shocked.These kinds of movies are by far one of the best kind of movies I've ever touched on.
For the Thai movie,it was about a person involved in a game which gives him tremendous amount of cash when he completes each tasks.The reason why this guy chose this task was,the fact that he needed the cash urgently.However,the tasks that takes him on this journey which brought about harm to single personnels at first.However,there was one task which still gives me the creeps just to think about how good the person who made this movie strategise how each of the moves that the person will take and the fact that the feeling that each will feel according to each tasks that he had done.This made me think about how low a person will stoop just to get the one thing that matters the most and the least in this world,money.
Well,for all that had happened in all the movies,it's really hard for me to express it out in words,as the true feelings can only be found through each and our very own eyes.What is the thing that gives people so much selfishness,so much honor and respect,so much terror and horror,remains a biggest mystery to the greatest 'thinkers' in the world,when the easiest thing IS the hardest to comprehen in this world to the people all around.As to how a person can really feel or sense,it's just up to our ownselves to know and understand.Well,time for me to stop now.Let us just hope that whatever it is that is blocking all the 'geniuses' in the world to create shows with the X-factor and the simplicity,will be unblocked soon,so that we will have better shows in time to come.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Making Choices
Been a super long time since I last posted.I have been flooded with messages for me to start blogging again.Was I really missed?Seems like food for thought for me.As for me,I've been busy with a lot of things recently.So busy that I don't even have time for myself.Mainly games i guess.Oh well,I'm just a normal kid who has too much time on hand for myself anyway.
Many things have happened to me recently.To the extent that I've been quite unsure of myself about what is happening to me.However,one thing's certain,I've changed.I've changed so much that I found it so familiar yet at the same time feeling it's harshing coldness.Simply put,I don't even know what is happening to me now.How nice is this feeling.
Oh well,there has been a lot of things happening.All these things have made me think a lot for myself and people around me.Sometimes,I will actually go and put myself too much into their shoes and start to think FOR them.Well,I find that this is something that is quite funny in my own opinion.Many people have many different views about what is happening to everyone around us,yet everybody tries to put everybody into their own shoes and starts to think about what other should do,based on their own opinion.This sort of gives me the feeling that I'm actually doing what all of the above.The good thing for myself is that I caught myself in time.Well,why do I say that now?Personally,I feel that everybody has their own rights to choose whatever they wish to know and believe.I don't think that anything done by anybody have the right to judge who is right and who is wrong.Many things will happen along the way.Who can judge who do what is the correct thing,and who do what is the wrong thing?Yes,people can start blaming the fault on the law,saying that since the law says this,everybody should follow it.So that they will not be blamed for whatever happens.Also,they can also say that it is their beliefs that some things should be done and some should not be done.However,who can be the one to say who is right and who is wonrg?We can't say ANYTHING,since what we do are NOT what others feel,because,WE are NOT them.This may sound like a dagger in the heart for many people.However,what is the truth?The truth is ALWAYS the heart-bleeder in any scenario.Who are we to say who does what is wrong or right?Who has the right to choose who HAVE to take which path?
Well,choice in life does make a great many things to many other people's life.We can 'help' another by doing this or that.Yet,are we actually doing the right thing?Are we sure that whatever happens in future will be beneficial to many other people?Let's just say,murder.Many will think that it's a crime,it's something that everybody have to run away from.Let's put it in this way.If a person kills for the sake of killing,or for the sake of money,etc. I'd say that they deserve to be put away.However,what if they kill for the sake of protecting themselves?Are we to judge them as being wrong?Imagine the rule,which I've seen,they MAY change the murder crime to manslaughter,which is a much less severe crime than murdering.However,what's the punishment?For the harsher countries,they are to be prisoned for life.For some less harsh,what do they get?10,20 years of imprisonment?Yes,these are the laws.Laws are here to protect.Yet protecting yourself from being harm is also a crime here.What is the crime that they commit?Everytime somebody is hurt,the person will instictively protect themselves.Well,just that in this case the instinct made them hurt the other,to the extent of accidentaly killing the person.Are they right,or are they wrong?Who is the right one,and who is wrong?
Many things have happened,and is happening.Who are the people who are able to judge what is right and what is wrong?Are we being ruled with an ironfist in the world,or are we given freedom all along,wherever we go?How nice isn't it to be living in such a complicated yet simple world ain't we?Who will be the survivor,and who will be perished in this unseen struggle to find that small speck of hope in life that is covered in so much dust that a glimmer of light,abeit false hope,gives such a big difference in our lives,when all these differences gives NO differences in our lives.Let us just see who will be the next one to survive out of all these 'lands of dust',and crawl out towards the REAL glimmer of hope,and find the star that everybody has been wishing to see,although this utopia is something that nobody has,or will see,in this lifetime,or maybe the next few centuries.Let us just wait and see.Good luck to whoever is going to crawl to that glimmer of light.
Many things have happened to me recently.To the extent that I've been quite unsure of myself about what is happening to me.However,one thing's certain,I've changed.I've changed so much that I found it so familiar yet at the same time feeling it's harshing coldness.Simply put,I don't even know what is happening to me now.How nice is this feeling.
Oh well,there has been a lot of things happening.All these things have made me think a lot for myself and people around me.Sometimes,I will actually go and put myself too much into their shoes and start to think FOR them.Well,I find that this is something that is quite funny in my own opinion.Many people have many different views about what is happening to everyone around us,yet everybody tries to put everybody into their own shoes and starts to think about what other should do,based on their own opinion.This sort of gives me the feeling that I'm actually doing what all of the above.The good thing for myself is that I caught myself in time.Well,why do I say that now?Personally,I feel that everybody has their own rights to choose whatever they wish to know and believe.I don't think that anything done by anybody have the right to judge who is right and who is wrong.Many things will happen along the way.Who can judge who do what is the correct thing,and who do what is the wrong thing?Yes,people can start blaming the fault on the law,saying that since the law says this,everybody should follow it.So that they will not be blamed for whatever happens.Also,they can also say that it is their beliefs that some things should be done and some should not be done.However,who can be the one to say who is right and who is wonrg?We can't say ANYTHING,since what we do are NOT what others feel,because,WE are NOT them.This may sound like a dagger in the heart for many people.However,what is the truth?The truth is ALWAYS the heart-bleeder in any scenario.Who are we to say who does what is wrong or right?Who has the right to choose who HAVE to take which path?
Well,choice in life does make a great many things to many other people's life.We can 'help' another by doing this or that.Yet,are we actually doing the right thing?Are we sure that whatever happens in future will be beneficial to many other people?Let's just say,murder.Many will think that it's a crime,it's something that everybody have to run away from.Let's put it in this way.If a person kills for the sake of killing,or for the sake of money,etc. I'd say that they deserve to be put away.However,what if they kill for the sake of protecting themselves?Are we to judge them as being wrong?Imagine the rule,which I've seen,they MAY change the murder crime to manslaughter,which is a much less severe crime than murdering.However,what's the punishment?For the harsher countries,they are to be prisoned for life.For some less harsh,what do they get?10,20 years of imprisonment?Yes,these are the laws.Laws are here to protect.Yet protecting yourself from being harm is also a crime here.What is the crime that they commit?Everytime somebody is hurt,the person will instictively protect themselves.Well,just that in this case the instinct made them hurt the other,to the extent of accidentaly killing the person.Are they right,or are they wrong?Who is the right one,and who is wrong?
Many things have happened,and is happening.Who are the people who are able to judge what is right and what is wrong?Are we being ruled with an ironfist in the world,or are we given freedom all along,wherever we go?How nice isn't it to be living in such a complicated yet simple world ain't we?Who will be the survivor,and who will be perished in this unseen struggle to find that small speck of hope in life that is covered in so much dust that a glimmer of light,abeit false hope,gives such a big difference in our lives,when all these differences gives NO differences in our lives.Let us just see who will be the next one to survive out of all these 'lands of dust',and crawl out towards the REAL glimmer of hope,and find the star that everybody has been wishing to see,although this utopia is something that nobody has,or will see,in this lifetime,or maybe the next few centuries.Let us just wait and see.Good luck to whoever is going to crawl to that glimmer of light.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Thinking With The Dark Dark Sky
Just came back after some exploration in my house area today.It has always been something that I'd wish to do.The place that I walk is not small.As those who know me,my home area is just another small small part of the little red dot.What facinates me is that I had actually stumbled upon some very nice areas in my 'hometown'.The area may be small and crampy,but the feeling that it gives at different points of view is really weird.How is it weird?Some give me the feeling of stress,others just give me the feeling of how much I wish to stay over there and relax.
Let's talk about the stressful area first.Alright,I'll admit,I'm a bit biased in my surroundings.Perhaps it was just the area that I've been around recently.The places that gives me stress are those that are quite near my house area.They have the feeling of being quite small,not in the sense of the area.The area is big and carefree.However,the layout of the place is simply too open,such that the relaxation areas are so small and cramped that it doesn't really give people,or rather,people like me to enjoy the big and carefree area.Strangely,when a place is just nice for people to relax,these type of small little things brings on the feeling of stress in a place where the overall area is supposed to be quite comfortable.
Next,let's talk about the places that are more of relaxation.As everyone will think,it's just the direct opposite of the above right?Well,it's half-right.What happens in these areas area about the direct opposite.However,there is yet another issue that brings me some strange feelings.Let's talk about how the direct opposite is like first shall we?In these places I term as relaxing,they are quite cramped.Or rather,they give the feeling that it's quite closed,regardless by nature or by human environment.However,the places that allows people to relax are actually very normal.Just that they set a few seats around,and then they let the whole area look more widespread.This type of feeling gave me the feeling of being able to rest at those areas,and also to be able to move around as much as I want.Maybe it's just that I love freedom alot,so that's why my feeling about it is such.
The next type of relaxation places that I've felt is something that I'd really been looking for in many places,which I failed to find.These places usually don't need much designing,but it requires quite a huge area to feast upon.This type of design is very simple.It just took me like 3 seconds to actually love that place.The places is like this.It just have a bench,with a small shelter,with grasses on top of it.For those who can imagine,good for you.For those who can't,too bad.Then,the next thing everyone will ask is,what is so special about that?The special part is the place that it is facing.It faces a big patch of grass,with a few bits and pieces of the unnatural stuff around there.The feeling that it gave me is that it actually gives me the kind of feeling that I want to run over there.It's so open that it made me expand my own thinking.It's so natural that many things that I was thinking on that day suddenly seem so minor.Such a simple environment,such a nice background.It can almost be classified as a wonder in my world.The only thing that I'm regretting is that it will not be permanent.Oh well,it's just like this when one is in a crowded country.No space can be afford to be spared,since housing people comes more importantly than scenery.
What made me write this post is that sometimes people tend to find the more practical stuff more important than what people really wants.Just take for example,people who are living in the area sometimes need places to relax.Yet all these places are so subjected to changes that where are the places that people can actually relax everytime,and for the next time where are the relaxing places that people NEED to find in future in the country?The unknown factor is seriously too much to even start to think about.How can we actually be able to plan for a long future in the country?Suddenly I feel that I know why there are so many people who wishes to leave the country for other greenery.It makes me feel so crazy being in this place that how I wish I was never in this country.Oh well,every country has their pros and cons.It's just a matter on what we think.Let just hope that the place that I fell in love with will not be gone that quickly shall we?Pray for me guys.
Let's talk about the stressful area first.Alright,I'll admit,I'm a bit biased in my surroundings.Perhaps it was just the area that I've been around recently.The places that gives me stress are those that are quite near my house area.They have the feeling of being quite small,not in the sense of the area.The area is big and carefree.However,the layout of the place is simply too open,such that the relaxation areas are so small and cramped that it doesn't really give people,or rather,people like me to enjoy the big and carefree area.Strangely,when a place is just nice for people to relax,these type of small little things brings on the feeling of stress in a place where the overall area is supposed to be quite comfortable.
Next,let's talk about the places that are more of relaxation.As everyone will think,it's just the direct opposite of the above right?Well,it's half-right.What happens in these areas area about the direct opposite.However,there is yet another issue that brings me some strange feelings.Let's talk about how the direct opposite is like first shall we?In these places I term as relaxing,they are quite cramped.Or rather,they give the feeling that it's quite closed,regardless by nature or by human environment.However,the places that allows people to relax are actually very normal.Just that they set a few seats around,and then they let the whole area look more widespread.This type of feeling gave me the feeling of being able to rest at those areas,and also to be able to move around as much as I want.Maybe it's just that I love freedom alot,so that's why my feeling about it is such.
The next type of relaxation places that I've felt is something that I'd really been looking for in many places,which I failed to find.These places usually don't need much designing,but it requires quite a huge area to feast upon.This type of design is very simple.It just took me like 3 seconds to actually love that place.The places is like this.It just have a bench,with a small shelter,with grasses on top of it.For those who can imagine,good for you.For those who can't,too bad.Then,the next thing everyone will ask is,what is so special about that?The special part is the place that it is facing.It faces a big patch of grass,with a few bits and pieces of the unnatural stuff around there.The feeling that it gave me is that it actually gives me the kind of feeling that I want to run over there.It's so open that it made me expand my own thinking.It's so natural that many things that I was thinking on that day suddenly seem so minor.Such a simple environment,such a nice background.It can almost be classified as a wonder in my world.The only thing that I'm regretting is that it will not be permanent.Oh well,it's just like this when one is in a crowded country.No space can be afford to be spared,since housing people comes more importantly than scenery.
What made me write this post is that sometimes people tend to find the more practical stuff more important than what people really wants.Just take for example,people who are living in the area sometimes need places to relax.Yet all these places are so subjected to changes that where are the places that people can actually relax everytime,and for the next time where are the relaxing places that people NEED to find in future in the country?The unknown factor is seriously too much to even start to think about.How can we actually be able to plan for a long future in the country?Suddenly I feel that I know why there are so many people who wishes to leave the country for other greenery.It makes me feel so crazy being in this place that how I wish I was never in this country.Oh well,every country has their pros and cons.It's just a matter on what we think.Let just hope that the place that I fell in love with will not be gone that quickly shall we?Pray for me guys.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Managing Relationships
In the current society,strange enough,the world seems to spin only in one direction.This spinning has always been so idealistic by everyone such that it seems that Everything seems to fall in the right place at the correct time at the correct sequence.Strangely,This is not the case when it comes to human.In this idealistic world,the main factor that is changing this ideal is an unknown factor known as humans.Strangely,this unknown factor changes so much of the idealistic world that it is astonishing!How does it astonish?Let us look at it in further details,just like how all problems are trying to be solved....
In the ideal world,let's just take the prehistoric world,the world seems to be revolving in the same way.However,nobody knows how the Earth functions,how the solar system is like,or even the fact that there are countless other stars that may or may not even house living beings,as being researched currently.Yet,65 millions years later(I think it has that long),people know so much about galaxy,the solar system,the number of planets in the world,so much so that we are trying to find out more in the world.Strangely,so many strange things recently,one is never satisfied that they have actually found out so much in the world now.This extent has been pulled to even trying to create life in all sorts of places.Wouldn't it be such a weird thing that people has always been trying create the impossible?True,impossible things can only be done when the possible limits have been exploited,re-used,worn out,and got bored at.However,don't people find that finding the unknown also has it's limitations?Yes,I know that I support chasing the ideal.However,when the unknown are hard to even pinpoint,what is the next thing that has to be done?To improve on what is available to the extent that those things are possible.Just like what happened in the past.When flying became possible,what is the next thing to do?They started to research on how to get to space travel.And the reason for it?They wish to find out more about the unknown.After improving flying to space travel,the two people who first stepped on the moon came about.The way to do all these things seems weird,even out of point in where I am standing.Yet when all impossiblities are starting to dim out,the best way to brighten them up is to improve on the realistic.
Another reason,the feeling in everybody is so different that it is something that is totally changing the place in the world.Why?In the ideal world,everybody has the same kind of feelings,love,hate,anger,happiness,sadness,etc.However,in the reality,how people express and feel all these feelings differ so much that even a whole mountain of books ain't enough to even break the tip of the iceberg.How true,and how weird.When the world thinks that one way of feeling have only one way to tackle,there will always be another thing that will prove that everybody is wrong.Also,the place where the whole world is wrong is,strangely,the best way to counter the problem.Weird isn't it?How many people are seriously able to find out what is truly needed by people,and/or the ideal method to solve a problem?There will never be an ideal way for anything to ever be able to work out.How everybody wish to find the correct thing to do will never be the best way to do anything.Crying is not necessary an action to depict sadness.It can also mean many other different other kinds of feeling,such as being touched,anger,etc.It has always seem so normal to us that sometimes things work in such a way that we forget about the other ways that may be able to fare,not better,but to be able to fare more comfortably with others.How weird it must be,how familiar it is to so many people.Seriously,is this how the world should really go?Should we stay over-idealistic,or over-realistic?This really depends on so many external factors and also so many different solutions to these external factors.How nice it must be for so many things to just happen on it's own and then be able to differentiate them.Let us just hope that my point of view is just something that will change how the thinking really should go,and not being criticised just because it sounds too idealistic yet too realistic at the same time.
In the ideal world,let's just take the prehistoric world,the world seems to be revolving in the same way.However,nobody knows how the Earth functions,how the solar system is like,or even the fact that there are countless other stars that may or may not even house living beings,as being researched currently.Yet,65 millions years later(I think it has that long),people know so much about galaxy,the solar system,the number of planets in the world,so much so that we are trying to find out more in the world.Strangely,so many strange things recently,one is never satisfied that they have actually found out so much in the world now.This extent has been pulled to even trying to create life in all sorts of places.Wouldn't it be such a weird thing that people has always been trying create the impossible?True,impossible things can only be done when the possible limits have been exploited,re-used,worn out,and got bored at.However,don't people find that finding the unknown also has it's limitations?Yes,I know that I support chasing the ideal.However,when the unknown are hard to even pinpoint,what is the next thing that has to be done?To improve on what is available to the extent that those things are possible.Just like what happened in the past.When flying became possible,what is the next thing to do?They started to research on how to get to space travel.And the reason for it?They wish to find out more about the unknown.After improving flying to space travel,the two people who first stepped on the moon came about.The way to do all these things seems weird,even out of point in where I am standing.Yet when all impossiblities are starting to dim out,the best way to brighten them up is to improve on the realistic.
Another reason,the feeling in everybody is so different that it is something that is totally changing the place in the world.Why?In the ideal world,everybody has the same kind of feelings,love,hate,anger,happiness,sadness,etc.However,in the reality,how people express and feel all these feelings differ so much that even a whole mountain of books ain't enough to even break the tip of the iceberg.How true,and how weird.When the world thinks that one way of feeling have only one way to tackle,there will always be another thing that will prove that everybody is wrong.Also,the place where the whole world is wrong is,strangely,the best way to counter the problem.Weird isn't it?How many people are seriously able to find out what is truly needed by people,and/or the ideal method to solve a problem?There will never be an ideal way for anything to ever be able to work out.How everybody wish to find the correct thing to do will never be the best way to do anything.Crying is not necessary an action to depict sadness.It can also mean many other different other kinds of feeling,such as being touched,anger,etc.It has always seem so normal to us that sometimes things work in such a way that we forget about the other ways that may be able to fare,not better,but to be able to fare more comfortably with others.How weird it must be,how familiar it is to so many people.Seriously,is this how the world should really go?Should we stay over-idealistic,or over-realistic?This really depends on so many external factors and also so many different solutions to these external factors.How nice it must be for so many things to just happen on it's own and then be able to differentiate them.Let us just hope that my point of view is just something that will change how the thinking really should go,and not being criticised just because it sounds too idealistic yet too realistic at the same time.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Just When I thought I'm Sober,I'm Drunk
This post is a totally personal post.It encompasses the most of my feelings that I've felt in my life for today,the 18-19 Feb 2008 of my life,one of the times when I felt the most down and the worst in my life currently.Wonder how many will actually read this post.I got this down while I'm in the drunk mode,as this is the only time when I feel that I'm actually the most sober and the most undrunk period of my life.This will be one of the posts that will really hurt alot of people.So those who really don't wish to spoil my relationships with them please do not carry on.
I'll start it now.This few days I've been thinking alot.About life,about what I really wish to do,about what exactly is it that I've been missing in life,and what is it that I really wish to change about myself.I will say one thing,I was really down the past few days.The fact that I said that it will affect alot of relationships is that it shows alot of things that many people do not know.I'm only daring to show it now because I'm drunk.I do not know how many people will believe a drunkard's words,but for me to show all these stuff is something that I will never be able to do sober.
Firstly,as I've said,I've been in alot of troubles recently,so I'm actually super down.The best part about me is that I do not even know how to solve it myself.This was one of the reasons why I was so down.One of the reasons is whether I really wish for myself to even know that I'm currently into the right path of my life.Whether it's really the case for myself,whether I have what it takes to even find out about myself.I know that alot of people really wish to find out what is it that I really want,but all I can say is that they have been searching through the wrong paths,cos whatever that they thought was the path is on the wrong path that I was searching, it's something that I've really not even thought about.This was why my down-ness never got up,I was given more problems even before I was able to resolve my own problem.I am really grateful to those who really tried to help me.I know that there was one person who really did that to me.I'm extremely grateful to him for scolding me,although it was not what I really was thinking about.He is one of the person who really cared about how I felt and also helping me to overcome so much of the stuff that I was not even thinking about.For the person,I think I know who you are,if you are reading this post right now,I really have nothing more to say except to say thank you to you.
Secondly,I really wish to thank the three other person who brought me to my 'drunk' state today,they are tat,john and mh.For those who know who they are,good for them.For those who do not know,don't ask me,cos all I say is that they are my best buddies for life,even if they do not treat me as such.Many will say that I'm being silly or whatever.However,what's the difference being silly or being frank?I find that I'm just being frank with myself and also my friends.Yes,I may be hiding some facts and some informations with them,but are they really harmful facts?Yes,some will think so,others may not.I will not persist on them.I just hope that what I've really gone through will be understood by all in future.To be helping a friend doesn't mean that you have to be superb at talking,be extremely eloquent or anything.It just takes abit more effort and also abit more understanding with each other for you to even know what is it that many have really missed out in others.I dare not say that I'm definitely one of those who puts in the most effort to understand one another.I am only learning to know what is it that others want.
Thirdly,one of the biggest thing that I do not know whether it is helping me or not is that I'm in love with a girl.Who the girl is a few of them knows.However,as to when I'm gonna start taking actions only one guy in my life knows about it.If he spread it,then I can only thank him for wasting the trust that I have for him.However,if he do not.I can also thank him for not bringing the truth out of his mouth,and also for making my trust in him right.Whether this is the former or the latter,only the guy himself will know.I also do not wish to pursue any further than it is.I'll just leave it at that point.When I know that the time is right,I will start taking actions.At this point of time when I do not even have a single future link in my life,I will not think about any other stuff.I do not know when is the best time to talk to her about this thing,but I know that now is definitely not the correct time,as I do not have a single shit(pardon me for using vulgarities),on me now.
Lastly,just when I thought that I have a few good friends whom I've just made,a few good friends whom I really thought that they'd really care for as much as I cared for them,I found out that my trust had been misplaced.I had always thought that I have these friends whom I can actually trust,they had actually made me feel so tired in life that I really do not know what is actually friendship anymore.Perhaps this is not the first time,but this will definitely not be the last time that I will say all these.Maybe my trust in friends and their trust in me are really different.I may treat them as gold,but I have this feeling that I'm only treated as shit in their eyes.I will not venture to say how true they are,cos I know that there will always be times when they are right and wrong,I can only say that time will show everything.Maybe I've been too trusting to everyone and everything such that I'm being treated as nothing in people's eyes.What I can only say and feel is that time is the factor that will really show me what I've done is right or wrong.Venturing too much into them will only bring more troubles and problems for myself.Is this really what I want?I really do not know.Maybe it's time for me to change how I am to my friends,maybe it's time I really should start to care more for myself rather than to care about others,may it's time that I should start being selfish to myself and cruel to others.Yet am I able to do all these?Am I able to find the correct key to unlock the biggest door in my life?Do I actually have the strength to open this biggest barrier in my life currently?I will never know unless I try.I just hope that I will find the answer to all my questions today.Hope that this post will really bring more thoughts to myself when I'm actually sober.For now,everything will still be a mystery in the future.All I can do is to listen more to the song 'gei wei lai de zi ji' by fish leong and really attain myself to know and understand what is it that the song implied in the hope of finding more about myself and about my own thoughts in the future.Let me find the courage to even face against the door of my life and let myself indulge in the time when I am really enjoying myself currently.Let me hope that today's post is just another random droning of my own mind and that everything is just something that I had only think it was.Finally,let me find my own trueself amidst this field of unknown and unchartered life territory of my life.Thanks to those who really took the courage to read this post and find out what really went through in me rather than running away from it when I said that this will affect relationships.Really thank you!
I'll start it now.This few days I've been thinking alot.About life,about what I really wish to do,about what exactly is it that I've been missing in life,and what is it that I really wish to change about myself.I will say one thing,I was really down the past few days.The fact that I said that it will affect alot of relationships is that it shows alot of things that many people do not know.I'm only daring to show it now because I'm drunk.I do not know how many people will believe a drunkard's words,but for me to show all these stuff is something that I will never be able to do sober.
Firstly,as I've said,I've been in alot of troubles recently,so I'm actually super down.The best part about me is that I do not even know how to solve it myself.This was one of the reasons why I was so down.One of the reasons is whether I really wish for myself to even know that I'm currently into the right path of my life.Whether it's really the case for myself,whether I have what it takes to even find out about myself.I know that alot of people really wish to find out what is it that I really want,but all I can say is that they have been searching through the wrong paths,cos whatever that they thought was the path is on the wrong path that I was searching, it's something that I've really not even thought about.This was why my down-ness never got up,I was given more problems even before I was able to resolve my own problem.I am really grateful to those who really tried to help me.I know that there was one person who really did that to me.I'm extremely grateful to him for scolding me,although it was not what I really was thinking about.He is one of the person who really cared about how I felt and also helping me to overcome so much of the stuff that I was not even thinking about.For the person,I think I know who you are,if you are reading this post right now,I really have nothing more to say except to say thank you to you.
Secondly,I really wish to thank the three other person who brought me to my 'drunk' state today,they are tat,john and mh.For those who know who they are,good for them.For those who do not know,don't ask me,cos all I say is that they are my best buddies for life,even if they do not treat me as such.Many will say that I'm being silly or whatever.However,what's the difference being silly or being frank?I find that I'm just being frank with myself and also my friends.Yes,I may be hiding some facts and some informations with them,but are they really harmful facts?Yes,some will think so,others may not.I will not persist on them.I just hope that what I've really gone through will be understood by all in future.To be helping a friend doesn't mean that you have to be superb at talking,be extremely eloquent or anything.It just takes abit more effort and also abit more understanding with each other for you to even know what is it that many have really missed out in others.I dare not say that I'm definitely one of those who puts in the most effort to understand one another.I am only learning to know what is it that others want.
Thirdly,one of the biggest thing that I do not know whether it is helping me or not is that I'm in love with a girl.Who the girl is a few of them knows.However,as to when I'm gonna start taking actions only one guy in my life knows about it.If he spread it,then I can only thank him for wasting the trust that I have for him.However,if he do not.I can also thank him for not bringing the truth out of his mouth,and also for making my trust in him right.Whether this is the former or the latter,only the guy himself will know.I also do not wish to pursue any further than it is.I'll just leave it at that point.When I know that the time is right,I will start taking actions.At this point of time when I do not even have a single future link in my life,I will not think about any other stuff.I do not know when is the best time to talk to her about this thing,but I know that now is definitely not the correct time,as I do not have a single shit(pardon me for using vulgarities),on me now.
Lastly,just when I thought that I have a few good friends whom I've just made,a few good friends whom I really thought that they'd really care for as much as I cared for them,I found out that my trust had been misplaced.I had always thought that I have these friends whom I can actually trust,they had actually made me feel so tired in life that I really do not know what is actually friendship anymore.Perhaps this is not the first time,but this will definitely not be the last time that I will say all these.Maybe my trust in friends and their trust in me are really different.I may treat them as gold,but I have this feeling that I'm only treated as shit in their eyes.I will not venture to say how true they are,cos I know that there will always be times when they are right and wrong,I can only say that time will show everything.Maybe I've been too trusting to everyone and everything such that I'm being treated as nothing in people's eyes.What I can only say and feel is that time is the factor that will really show me what I've done is right or wrong.Venturing too much into them will only bring more troubles and problems for myself.Is this really what I want?I really do not know.Maybe it's time for me to change how I am to my friends,maybe it's time I really should start to care more for myself rather than to care about others,may it's time that I should start being selfish to myself and cruel to others.Yet am I able to do all these?Am I able to find the correct key to unlock the biggest door in my life?Do I actually have the strength to open this biggest barrier in my life currently?I will never know unless I try.I just hope that I will find the answer to all my questions today.Hope that this post will really bring more thoughts to myself when I'm actually sober.For now,everything will still be a mystery in the future.All I can do is to listen more to the song 'gei wei lai de zi ji' by fish leong and really attain myself to know and understand what is it that the song implied in the hope of finding more about myself and about my own thoughts in the future.Let me find the courage to even face against the door of my life and let myself indulge in the time when I am really enjoying myself currently.Let me hope that today's post is just another random droning of my own mind and that everything is just something that I had only think it was.Finally,let me find my own trueself amidst this field of unknown and unchartered life territory of my life.Thanks to those who really took the courage to read this post and find out what really went through in me rather than running away from it when I said that this will affect relationships.Really thank you!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Think Think Think!
Recently been stuck at home.And this being stuck at home made me so bored that I went to find some nice shows and movies to watch.Such as another jap drama 'one litre of tears',the movie 'the notebook' and also 'a walk to remember'.These few shows are actually very simple,very normal.Yet,these normal shows features so much of reality that is so close to our lives that it is making me think about myself and my own future.In all these shows,besides the notebook,it features on a certain girl(I'm not sure why they always choose the girl),who have terminal diseases.At this point of time it dawned upon me as to when am I going to start thinking about my own future and when will it really dawned on people as to how they wish to spend their lives?Life is so short in their case.Do we really wish to only start thinking when our lives are almost at the end?Sometimes we have to stop thinking about what we are supposed to do and do it,yet at other times we should start to do AND think about our own future.Life's not about money money money all the time,yet at some points of lives money really do play an important role in our lives.What a headache it is for all of us man.
Also,I'd recommend people to go and watch this youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ALtIwy77RU .It's not really the best of the best dances but so what?Look at his dance steps and also the words that were written in the short clip.It's really very inspiring to the extent of letting people find out what really is nice,and then what it really means to try out everything yourself.The short 1min 38sec show really brought me very far as to the thinking about my own future and stuff.It's really something that is out of the box and yet so much into the heart of so many individuals.Imagine that it's not a dance now,but some other thing,such as going through all sorts of obstacles to find out your own idealogy and also your beliefs.How would the feeling of failing after trying be compared with totally not trying out something at all?
Seriously,I found out that I have one very bad point that I truly need to change now.Whenever it comes to anything mentally stressful,I'd have no fear of trying to overcome it.However,if the mental stress comes together with physical stress,I'd be so meek and powerless that it makes me feel so small in front of myself.I do not know this kind of feeling has been to anyone but what it really told me is that I really need to start to self-reflect on this.The only way for me to get out of this?It's time for me to start overcoming it by doing it.Time to strengthen my own resolve and get myself back on my own feet now.So what's next?Time for me to start my exercises which i've given so much external and useless factors for myself to push them aside.If I don't work hard now,it's useless for me to think about my own future.My short term goal,get myself in shape again to my army time.Long term?Lose my belly!Time to start working!
Also,I'd recommend people to go and watch this youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ALtIwy77RU .It's not really the best of the best dances but so what?Look at his dance steps and also the words that were written in the short clip.It's really very inspiring to the extent of letting people find out what really is nice,and then what it really means to try out everything yourself.The short 1min 38sec show really brought me very far as to the thinking about my own future and stuff.It's really something that is out of the box and yet so much into the heart of so many individuals.Imagine that it's not a dance now,but some other thing,such as going through all sorts of obstacles to find out your own idealogy and also your beliefs.How would the feeling of failing after trying be compared with totally not trying out something at all?
Seriously,I found out that I have one very bad point that I truly need to change now.Whenever it comes to anything mentally stressful,I'd have no fear of trying to overcome it.However,if the mental stress comes together with physical stress,I'd be so meek and powerless that it makes me feel so small in front of myself.I do not know this kind of feeling has been to anyone but what it really told me is that I really need to start to self-reflect on this.The only way for me to get out of this?It's time for me to start overcoming it by doing it.Time to strengthen my own resolve and get myself back on my own feet now.So what's next?Time for me to start my exercises which i've given so much external and useless factors for myself to push them aside.If I don't work hard now,it's useless for me to think about my own future.My short term goal,get myself in shape again to my army time.Long term?Lose my belly!Time to start working!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Just When I Thought I'd Stopped Crying
Been hooked on a japanese drama recently.It's a super old show that was shown like 10 years ago.What really hooked me on this drama is not the fact that it has charming actresses and smart actors.What attracted me to it was the fact that it is so similar to our daily lives in the show,with a bit of dramatic effect here and there,or else it wouldn't be considered as a drama right?Well,the name of the show is called 'kamisama mou sukoshi dake',which in english is also called as 'god,please give me more time'.Alot of people has seen the show,and if I'm not wrong it caused a hit in japan during that period of time.I personally would term it as a unique classic.Why?The fact that it brings about alot of thoughts and feelings at different stages of our lives in the short 12 episode series is enough to tempt to to watch it over and over again.
However,why did i put my title as above?Strangely,it is also due to a very simple fact in my life that brought about it.When I was in JC1,somethings happened to my family,and I swore that that would be the last time I'd really cry.Alright,maybe i did drop a few tears here and there due to some incidents,but nothing can be compared to the feeling I really felt when those tears dropped from mine while watching the show really gives me inspiration in my life.What I saw in there is something that I'd watched all along in many shows.Yet this show struck me hard because of the realistic feeling that I found in this small little drama.The feeling of mine really went out for the characters in the story,not because they are pitiful,but because it is these simple thoughts and feelings that made the whole story feel so truthful.As to how the story goes,for those who already knew it,good for you,watch it again.For those who have not,find it and watch it.It may not bring you a bucket of tears,which many of the people said it would,but it will definitely bring you the daunting effect of how a small little problem can cause the greatest of all fears.
After watching this series,what really made me think was the fact that this show was created 10 years ago.10 years later,shouldn't the power of creation by the scriptwriters be better?Being able to make shows that can move people even more?Strangely,that is not the case.In the past,scriptwriters created such moving dramas.10 years down the road,what are we watching now?Shows created for the sake of being able to put famous actors and actresses in to fit their current image?How does it feel to have the difference of the scripting to be even better now,in the sense that we are actually creating shows for people,and not using people to make the shows more moving?How 'great' I feel for the future of scriptwriting.Oh yes!Something I need to emphasis before I continue on.I'm not discriminating against scriptwriters or anybody related to the fields.I'm just expressing the difference in the fields that were created and the current trend.Hope this does not bring about any unhappiness.Back to the topic.Don't we all find that we are now walking home everyday to watch the kind of shows that are being in the extreme societies?Imagine the shows now.How many of us are really experiencing those effects that are having onto us?Take the above show for comparison,the dramatic part came like a normal day happening and then it just happened.Yet it is so shocking for people to even admit.A story being able to advance to this level.Seriously,if it was able to be created in the past,why are we not able to create them now?Because we are thinking too much of commercialising to be thinking of a real nice story,or are we simply too filled with thoughts to come up with something that can happen to anybody at any time?How I wish that I can find it out.The feeling of the future of television is something that is really making me think of what is the world gonna be like in the future.Give us a clue as to how simple or complicated life really is.....
However,why did i put my title as above?Strangely,it is also due to a very simple fact in my life that brought about it.When I was in JC1,somethings happened to my family,and I swore that that would be the last time I'd really cry.Alright,maybe i did drop a few tears here and there due to some incidents,but nothing can be compared to the feeling I really felt when those tears dropped from mine while watching the show really gives me inspiration in my life.What I saw in there is something that I'd watched all along in many shows.Yet this show struck me hard because of the realistic feeling that I found in this small little drama.The feeling of mine really went out for the characters in the story,not because they are pitiful,but because it is these simple thoughts and feelings that made the whole story feel so truthful.As to how the story goes,for those who already knew it,good for you,watch it again.For those who have not,find it and watch it.It may not bring you a bucket of tears,which many of the people said it would,but it will definitely bring you the daunting effect of how a small little problem can cause the greatest of all fears.
After watching this series,what really made me think was the fact that this show was created 10 years ago.10 years later,shouldn't the power of creation by the scriptwriters be better?Being able to make shows that can move people even more?Strangely,that is not the case.In the past,scriptwriters created such moving dramas.10 years down the road,what are we watching now?Shows created for the sake of being able to put famous actors and actresses in to fit their current image?How does it feel to have the difference of the scripting to be even better now,in the sense that we are actually creating shows for people,and not using people to make the shows more moving?How 'great' I feel for the future of scriptwriting.Oh yes!Something I need to emphasis before I continue on.I'm not discriminating against scriptwriters or anybody related to the fields.I'm just expressing the difference in the fields that were created and the current trend.Hope this does not bring about any unhappiness.Back to the topic.Don't we all find that we are now walking home everyday to watch the kind of shows that are being in the extreme societies?Imagine the shows now.How many of us are really experiencing those effects that are having onto us?Take the above show for comparison,the dramatic part came like a normal day happening and then it just happened.Yet it is so shocking for people to even admit.A story being able to advance to this level.Seriously,if it was able to be created in the past,why are we not able to create them now?Because we are thinking too much of commercialising to be thinking of a real nice story,or are we simply too filled with thoughts to come up with something that can happen to anybody at any time?How I wish that I can find it out.The feeling of the future of television is something that is really making me think of what is the world gonna be like in the future.Give us a clue as to how simple or complicated life really is.....
Monday, February 11, 2008
The Reality Inside The Ideal
Recently,I've had a few friends who faced quite a few problems,regardless of whether they shared it with me anot.Strangely,when I heard or see them having problems,I have this strange feeling inside me that goes along with how they feel.I do not know how or why.Maybe it's how i treat them as friends,or maybe it's just a part of me that I do not even know,even to the extent that this is part of human nature.
However,The main thing is not about my feelings.It's about how people can find others and talk in the normal way even though so much has happened to them in their lives.Some will say that they have already learnt and grown from it,some will say that it is always something in their heart that they can never put down.Strangely,when we look at these,don't everybody find that we have went through BOTH of the feelings?We have grown and learnt from them,yet it is still something that we are keeping in our heart.What a contradiction it is in our lives that we are all experiencing exactly the same things.Yet we do not know that our feelings are the same.We all go through different things,yet at these different points in life we face difficulties,and at these points we learn what we do not know in life.These learning becomes part of our lives,and we grow from them,but not showing it to others in life.Strange right?We always hear people lamenting that their lives are the worst even though we are seeing them fine everyday.Yet when we see those who have terminal illnesses not doing the same thing,and we know that these patients are the real people who need those care and concerns.
Yet another thing.For every minor thing that happened to us,we grow from it.By right we should look different,feel different,give off a different feeling.However,when we look at everyone around us,how many of us are actually very very different in lives?Strangely,when we all say that we have grown,we have actually not grown externally,but we are growing internally,mentally,emotionally,etc.Putting this in my own perspective,shouldn't we be like giving ourselves our fullest in letting other people know that we have changed?Yet,people always look at each other knowing that they have changed yet do not even know where they have changed.Great feeling to know that we have all changed right?Yet,there are still people who not only do they NOT grow and learn from it,they actually ran away from the problem.Then when the time comes for them to really face it,they lament that they are the worst people in their lives and then scold everything in the world except for themselves.Don't this sound very familiar to many people right now,even myself in this case?We always try to push everything to the last minute and then tell everyone that it is not their fault that all those things happened.Why is that so?How i wish i can find out the reason.
However,The main thing is not about my feelings.It's about how people can find others and talk in the normal way even though so much has happened to them in their lives.Some will say that they have already learnt and grown from it,some will say that it is always something in their heart that they can never put down.Strangely,when we look at these,don't everybody find that we have went through BOTH of the feelings?We have grown and learnt from them,yet it is still something that we are keeping in our heart.What a contradiction it is in our lives that we are all experiencing exactly the same things.Yet we do not know that our feelings are the same.We all go through different things,yet at these different points in life we face difficulties,and at these points we learn what we do not know in life.These learning becomes part of our lives,and we grow from them,but not showing it to others in life.Strange right?We always hear people lamenting that their lives are the worst even though we are seeing them fine everyday.Yet when we see those who have terminal illnesses not doing the same thing,and we know that these patients are the real people who need those care and concerns.
Yet another thing.For every minor thing that happened to us,we grow from it.By right we should look different,feel different,give off a different feeling.However,when we look at everyone around us,how many of us are actually very very different in lives?Strangely,when we all say that we have grown,we have actually not grown externally,but we are growing internally,mentally,emotionally,etc.Putting this in my own perspective,shouldn't we be like giving ourselves our fullest in letting other people know that we have changed?Yet,people always look at each other knowing that they have changed yet do not even know where they have changed.Great feeling to know that we have all changed right?Yet,there are still people who not only do they NOT grow and learn from it,they actually ran away from the problem.Then when the time comes for them to really face it,they lament that they are the worst people in their lives and then scold everything in the world except for themselves.Don't this sound very familiar to many people right now,even myself in this case?We always try to push everything to the last minute and then tell everyone that it is not their fault that all those things happened.Why is that so?How i wish i can find out the reason.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Life's Exclaimation Mark!!!
Just now i watched the show in channel U...Forgot the name of the show alr...haha!However,the main point is not the name of the show,it's the moral that i learnt from the show.What happened in the story is that a boy,who hated his father for marrying another women and forced her mother to commit suicide.His hatred went so high that he always create troubles for his stepmother.Funny part was,after he got to know some guy who had the power to make a person grow up,and stole the guy's potion,he grew up.Oh well,this is the standard thing that everybody will say of course to.What i wish to focus on is not exactly him growing up,it was what he faced after he grew up.
The story was set,after he 'grew' up,at the same place where he had all his memories at,his school,his house where he shares with his father and stepmother,the basketball team,which his best friend is being ostracized just because he is plump,unlike those others in his teams,and also the teacher who looked so much like his deceased mother.To cut the long story short,his life is a super fast forwarded journey to the end.He had always thought that his life is the worst,none other is as bad as his.However,he found out that his life is not bad at all,just that it was his over-protected environment that made him felt so.What he found out was that as he grew older,and his mind still that of a child,he faced problems that were too hard for him to face.He found out that what he had been going through is just only the tip of the iceberg of what was truly happening.As to what it is,please watch the full show.For people who know the name of the show,please kindly provide it.My memory is too bad to remember.What i remember is only the content of the show.
As to why i put on this show as a post,it is due to the fact that the similarity of the main character having his thoughts being the same as what we are facing in life.The scary part is that as we grow older,it seems that our wisdom are growing.However,this wisdom is not coupled well with what we know in our lives.What we always know is the fact that we have time to work,we have time to play,we have time for everything in his world.The astonishing fact about all these is that we are all thinking into the ideal lifestyle of our journey to the end of our lives.Have we consider that what we are truly enjoying now in our lives is not what we truly wanted,or rather,when we want to enjoy,life is already too late for all those things to happen?We had always wanted to do all sorts of big things,all sorts of kindness,all sorts of anything that we can think of but could not do it.Yet have we ever asked ourselves whether we have tried to carry on with the dreams that we have done?Bringing it back to the show,yes,the guy did have his dream fulfilled.He had wanted to grow up,and his consideration of all other things went to naught as he childishly and foolishly went to step closer to his dream.Yes,he did regret growing up,because after he grew up,he knew that his life journey is going to go to the end,and there's no reversing.Also,as i said,his life journey is a super accelerated journey,so which means he only had limited time.He even asked the girl,who is also his teacher,and looked like his deceased mother,about it.It was due to the girl,who was asked for a date when the guy was still quite youthful,for a movie.Yet,when he reached the location,even the girl could not recognise him anymore.It was so painful yet meaningful to me at that time.Why?Because the feeling seems so alike to mine when it all happened to me.To those who knew why,good.As to those who do not,please try not to remind me of it,it's still very painful.Well,back to the topic.He found out in his 'old age' that life is filled with so much mystery during his childhood and is all found out in his 'adulthood'.He had too many things to do in too little a time.
It makes me feel so weird that life has so many unknown areas in our lives that it scares me.We are just like the children in the lives of life itself and what we know is what we feel as the most and that is enough.However,don't anyone find that life in itself is such a deep mystery that we should just explore all kinds of fields and also to know what is it that we really wish for and want.Wouldn't life be much more interesting to know of all these rather than to stick our lives in the one way which we all THINK is the correct way?Wouldn't life be so much better and filled with less regret if we all know what is it that we truly want in life?Also,would our lives be any much worse if we knew we tried in anything and failed in them,not to mention what if we succeed?Let ourselves immerse in the pool of mystery like a baby gladly embarking on the unknown rather than to be the adult who shuns everything away from ourselves,and not giving ourselves a chance to even know what life have in store for us....
The story was set,after he 'grew' up,at the same place where he had all his memories at,his school,his house where he shares with his father and stepmother,the basketball team,which his best friend is being ostracized just because he is plump,unlike those others in his teams,and also the teacher who looked so much like his deceased mother.To cut the long story short,his life is a super fast forwarded journey to the end.He had always thought that his life is the worst,none other is as bad as his.However,he found out that his life is not bad at all,just that it was his over-protected environment that made him felt so.What he found out was that as he grew older,and his mind still that of a child,he faced problems that were too hard for him to face.He found out that what he had been going through is just only the tip of the iceberg of what was truly happening.As to what it is,please watch the full show.For people who know the name of the show,please kindly provide it.My memory is too bad to remember.What i remember is only the content of the show.
As to why i put on this show as a post,it is due to the fact that the similarity of the main character having his thoughts being the same as what we are facing in life.The scary part is that as we grow older,it seems that our wisdom are growing.However,this wisdom is not coupled well with what we know in our lives.What we always know is the fact that we have time to work,we have time to play,we have time for everything in his world.The astonishing fact about all these is that we are all thinking into the ideal lifestyle of our journey to the end of our lives.Have we consider that what we are truly enjoying now in our lives is not what we truly wanted,or rather,when we want to enjoy,life is already too late for all those things to happen?We had always wanted to do all sorts of big things,all sorts of kindness,all sorts of anything that we can think of but could not do it.Yet have we ever asked ourselves whether we have tried to carry on with the dreams that we have done?Bringing it back to the show,yes,the guy did have his dream fulfilled.He had wanted to grow up,and his consideration of all other things went to naught as he childishly and foolishly went to step closer to his dream.Yes,he did regret growing up,because after he grew up,he knew that his life journey is going to go to the end,and there's no reversing.Also,as i said,his life journey is a super accelerated journey,so which means he only had limited time.He even asked the girl,who is also his teacher,and looked like his deceased mother,about it.It was due to the girl,who was asked for a date when the guy was still quite youthful,for a movie.Yet,when he reached the location,even the girl could not recognise him anymore.It was so painful yet meaningful to me at that time.Why?Because the feeling seems so alike to mine when it all happened to me.To those who knew why,good.As to those who do not,please try not to remind me of it,it's still very painful.Well,back to the topic.He found out in his 'old age' that life is filled with so much mystery during his childhood and is all found out in his 'adulthood'.He had too many things to do in too little a time.
It makes me feel so weird that life has so many unknown areas in our lives that it scares me.We are just like the children in the lives of life itself and what we know is what we feel as the most and that is enough.However,don't anyone find that life in itself is such a deep mystery that we should just explore all kinds of fields and also to know what is it that we really wish for and want.Wouldn't life be much more interesting to know of all these rather than to stick our lives in the one way which we all THINK is the correct way?Wouldn't life be so much better and filled with less regret if we all know what is it that we truly want in life?Also,would our lives be any much worse if we knew we tried in anything and failed in them,not to mention what if we succeed?Let ourselves immerse in the pool of mystery like a baby gladly embarking on the unknown rather than to be the adult who shuns everything away from ourselves,and not giving ourselves a chance to even know what life have in store for us....
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I Am SHOCKED today!
I went to the market with my mum today to Boon Keng...Guess what I saw?A whole bunch of working adults going to work from punggol...How nice..However,what shocked me is not the rush hour,it's the face of all the people who are going to work.Their face are so glum,so gloomy,that it makes me shudder at the thought of the people whom I saw.It's not that I'm being sarcastic or whatever,it's just the thought of me stepping into the same path as those people that make me feel that it's really a waste to let the happiness and sheer joy of the past go down the drain.Imagine that a person,who is still young,to love going to school,whether to meet friends or to study,to the extent of everybody looking so glum and gloomy when they are going to work.Ain't they the same thing?Alright,maybe they are not the same.What's the difference?A school children spends money to go to a school,while a working adult go to work to earn money.Since we are now in a society who need money to work,won't the people who are earning money be much happier than those who are not earning money?Isn't it strange that the opposite is always true?It's really ironic in this sense that those who are bringing the bread home are those who are always the un-happiest while those who are depending on the bread to be so happy and carefree day after day,not caring about what happens in the future.
After the long strings of words,wouldn't you find it strange that life is always going the wrong way from what we all have in our 'ideal' mind?When we all started,our lives are so filled with all kinds of wondrous imaginations and thoughts which are all very real,yet when we grow older these thoughts are heaped with so much other factors and problems that we have to source for alternatives?Usually these alternatives are those which we really don't like,but forced to do it because it's the only thing that is bringing in the most bread.Wouldn't you find it strange that all these factors should have been gone if anyone persevered in the direction of their childhood dreams?Plus,those dreams that we had are labeled with so much hardships and problems that we tend to not even try even before we started out in whichever area that we had wanted.Seriously,what is it in our dreams and desires that is truly blocking us from what we really wish to have?Sometimes I find that it's the government,who keep us on a dead path towards the mainstream.Sometimes I find that it's the world we are in that is truly making us what we are today.However,after some thinking through towards the impossible area,I found out that it's actually US who made the possible impossible!Why is that so?Many would be scolding me for saying this out.However,isn't it ourselves that made the thinking of our dreams and goals come to naught?Isn't it us that gave ourselves more problems to handle rather than going towards the dream that we truly wanted wholeheartedly?Sometimes the simplest thing is the hardest thing for everyone to even wish for anything to happen.Somehow I start to fear,what is the world going to be like in the future,when i step out truly into the working world.When the world is really at it's wits end into being new and creative.What are we trying to do with our lives man?I really wish to find out...Can somebody give me an answer?Sigh~!
After the long strings of words,wouldn't you find it strange that life is always going the wrong way from what we all have in our 'ideal' mind?When we all started,our lives are so filled with all kinds of wondrous imaginations and thoughts which are all very real,yet when we grow older these thoughts are heaped with so much other factors and problems that we have to source for alternatives?Usually these alternatives are those which we really don't like,but forced to do it because it's the only thing that is bringing in the most bread.Wouldn't you find it strange that all these factors should have been gone if anyone persevered in the direction of their childhood dreams?Plus,those dreams that we had are labeled with so much hardships and problems that we tend to not even try even before we started out in whichever area that we had wanted.Seriously,what is it in our dreams and desires that is truly blocking us from what we really wish to have?Sometimes I find that it's the government,who keep us on a dead path towards the mainstream.Sometimes I find that it's the world we are in that is truly making us what we are today.However,after some thinking through towards the impossible area,I found out that it's actually US who made the possible impossible!Why is that so?Many would be scolding me for saying this out.However,isn't it ourselves that made the thinking of our dreams and goals come to naught?Isn't it us that gave ourselves more problems to handle rather than going towards the dream that we truly wanted wholeheartedly?Sometimes the simplest thing is the hardest thing for everyone to even wish for anything to happen.Somehow I start to fear,what is the world going to be like in the future,when i step out truly into the working world.When the world is really at it's wits end into being new and creative.What are we trying to do with our lives man?I really wish to find out...Can somebody give me an answer?Sigh~!
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